Gas lighting

[onemoresmartie]

Is the worst form of emotional abuse! Being made to believe that I am the problem when I know I'm not. I have a good heart and I know I'm a good person
Any tips for dealing with this?

Not sure I know what you mean? Sorry if I'm being thick

He's got you just where he wants you.

Co-dependency means you are getting something from the relationship too - perhaps you like to feel he needs you.

He, on the other hand, likes you to dance to his tune.

Why would it look bad if you comforted an ex when they were struggling. One occasion of comforting someone doesn’t entitle them to further comfort. You don’t owe anyone anything. Yes it’s lovely to feel wanted and like your the only one who can help. But that’s not what you want in the long run. You didn’t need to check he was ok. Next time he calls and says he’s struggling contact his family or the emergency services. His family are more than capable of looking after him.

The reason he keeps doing this to you is because you are emotionally generous and he knows it. I lost count of the times mine faked an illness to get sympathy. You know this is bad, and I really do understand how hard this is for you to go against your own good nature, but please try to stop. It will not do you any good in the long run and you will end up despising yourself. You deserve better. You really do. Believe in yourself, grow a tough skin (easy to say, much harder to do but please try).

It's easy for us to type these words onto a screen, but they really are well meant, and I beg you, for your own self respect, stop being at his beck and call. If he contacts you with another sob story, just tell him to get some help from somebody else. Nobody will think badly of you except him, and does that really matter? No.

I am interested in your logic. You went to see him and think you cannot dump him now because of you leading him on. Is that right?

Is there an exact numbet of blowjobs you have in mind before you walk again? Or maybe a number of days where on each day you behave in a less happy and more sad manner until you leave? What are your crazy rules here?

Of course he is all smiles now. He played you and you totally fell for it. You didn't even get angry and put him in a cab home when you realised you'd been played. He's the winner and his boot is back on your neck so he's a happy bunny.

You really need to learn about codependency. You have a bad case of it. It can destroy your life, as you are seeing.

Get him out and then block him properly!

Please start thinking of yourself and your own needs. He is relying on your sympathy. He doesn't deserve it after the way he has treated you. 'Leading him on' as you put it is nothing in comparison with the way he has behaved towards you.
Sorry, but give yourself a shake and start seeing him for the awful person he is.

Two bits of advice I can offer at this time. Go on to you tube and look for “tea consent” it will pop up as a drawn cup of tea or the words tea consent, watch it, hopefully it will help to show that just because you have offered comfort once it doesn’t have to happen all the time.
Second piece is if you are concerned about his health, mentally or physically you do not need to attend his property, is there a mutual friend that could check on him? If you are very worried you need to call an ambulance where a medical professional will be able to help him.
You feel bad because he has trained you to feel that way, you feel guilt because he has made you feel you are responsible for him, can he control how you think and feel through the day? Can he control when you eat and drink? NO he can’t as people can only make their own choices, he is choosing to behave this way, he is choosing to manipulate and control, the thing is he may not even be aware that this is his behaviour or choice but if it is having a negative impact on you then it is never ok.

Easy response which doesn’t help the victim