I'm I a heartless b@st2rd

[sameshitdifferenthour]

I have been in a relationship for 13 years now and have 2 children. My partner (I use this term loosely) since my first was born has on and off lived like a single man, going out staying out all night, gambling etc etc... at first this absolutely devastated me. I would go crazy with him threatening to leave and at first he would be sorry and admit where he was wrong.
I was made redundant after me 2nd child and things got significantly worse after this, where he would do it and not be sorry at all would actually turn it around and end up him being mad with me.
What I have described here is the PG version where by the in-depth version should be rated at least an 18. I have quite a lot of debt due to being on long term maternity and him to be honest so felt and still feel totally trapped by him. So how I decided to be able to deal with this/him and his behaviour was to not care and now he hates that and all i get is a barrage of abuse and him saying I don't show him any love or care and that I am a cold hearted, heartless B (again the mild version).

I don't want to be with him but feel totally trapped . Like I say this is the very mild version but I'm getting so frustrated that he can yet again turn this all on me and now be pissed off because I don't show any love, what love was I shown when he thought it is ok to stay out all night when I have a small child / children.

You can’t live like this. You need to separate. You might feel trapped, but you’re not so you need to make a plan to break away. Are you back at work now? If not, start looking for a job. If you are, can you apply for promotion or a better one elsewhere? The extra money will help you when you’re on your own.

Doing nothing will change nothing so take small steps each week (open your own bank account for your salary to go into, start looking at rental prices in the area in case you have to move) until you feel ready to end it.

Definitely agree with Angel, I separated this yr from my hubby. It's extremely hard but worth the piece of mind in the end. Baby steps take it slowly. Before I left I had a brief plan which helped me.

Hi, thanks for reading.
I know you're both right. I am back at work and I have been told I'm doing really well which should result in bonus and pay rise.
I have also started doing lots of over time (which of course I get in it the neck for) but it doesn't stop me.
I had a plan to get as much cash away as possible but because the constant abuse, telling me how shit I am, heartless etc etc I don't know if I can stick it also he keeps saying he will leave, which i wish he would. What he says and does is always 2 totally different things.
Thanks again xx