I'm going to fuck up!

[needakickupthearse]

I don't know wtf is wrong with me , was married for 18 years , I left him because he was a piss head .. I've done really well the past few years re building a life for me and my kids , I met someone who I absolutely adore and definitely appears to adore me yet I find myself looking for problems, am I good enough, am I all he wants and needs. There's been a couple of things that derailed me a bit about a comment he wrote on someone's post which I explained how it made me feel and ask how he wld feel if the shoe was on the other foot and he got that! Since then we have been fine. Yet I still think why would he want me .. there's 12 years age gap me the younger and I think (I think too fucking much) he's at a point where he could go away weekends, meals out , holidays etc but I'm at a point where my children are young teens and I can't afford to , don't have anyone to have the children if I could afford to and don't want too in another way as I'm all they have. He's never gave me that feeling , it's all me and I dont know wtf is up with me , my mate says it's because I love him and I'm scared, I dont talk to him about how I'm feeling because I dont want him to think I'm a nut job. But I am fucking nuts why am I looking for problems... then to add to it my ex new partner text my dd to ask her to be braids maid at there wedding she's never met the woman , hasnt seen her dad for 7 mths because he kept letting her down so she basically said screw you... and didn't even know they were getting married. I haven't had any contact with him for way over a year. She's ignored the text and that's where we are with that one ! My son refuses to see him because he was horrible the last time he took him out, I ask the school family lady to talk to him and they come back saying be lead by him and tell him to see if as and when he wants.. which he won't entertain he says life nicer without him , so I hear through the vine that he posts shit on fb that I'm s parasite!! My bucket feels full with work, teenagers, schools, stupid texts, trying to keep my head above water and then I'm adding to myself by looking for problems, send me a straight jacket. I don't want to fuck this up !

I think you would do really well for yourself to talk this out with a therapist.

Would you consider therapy, OP?

I had counselling when it all happened and I didn't feel this helped I just threw myself into my kids and making us a home ... then I meet someone and look for problems.. he's unaware of this, what would I look for? Who should I speak to? I'd do anything to stop being a stress pot. X

My advice would be - take a deep breath when you feel these feelings taking over your head. Try to work out what is real and what thoughts you are putting into your own head. Have you tried meditation? There are some apps that you can download and listen to when you have a spare minute that might help to calm you.

Are you sure your really want a relationship?

I will google meditation app, thank you , I've always been one of those people that go up the road and round the corner before anything actually happens, no wonder my ex was a piss head 🤔. Yes I do want a relationship with my partner, he's a wonderful man. I just dont know why I have these thoughts, sometimes my brain feels like I'm standing in the middle of a crossroads and all the lights turn green and I don't know where to go , right I'm going to look for relaxation apps now

No advice OP, but I can identify with this.
Ex-H and I split up years ago, i met someone new some years later and things are brilliant; but I sometimes self-sabotage (particularly when pre-menstrual) with the same thoughts "why would he want me when he can have someone child-free/more successful/more beautiful and what not"
It drives me bonkers. Will be watching your thread with interest.

Sending hugs.

Thank you , I've got an app I'll going to try and chill with that when I feel a wobble head coming on and I've read having a hair band on your wrist and when you feel worrying things come on to ping it and remind yourself it's ok, I'll buy a pack !! I may get through a few 🙄🤨. I'm going to take all advice, it's payday soon so I was thinking of a little wardrobe treat, I've planned to go fishing on Monday with my mate it's something I've not done in a long time but it's something for me. I'll cook a stew in the slow cooker that day for us all and enjoy his company that night. He's a wonderful beautiful caring guy and I can't let my insecurities ruin what we have, not that he's aware of it but he can sense Ive been quiet and @ovendoor 2 days before af due so yes I'll watch my wobble pattern behaviour and see if this is also a link , thank you x

Checking out new mode website now x

Good luck. Can you keep us posted?
I'm going to try the above too x

I've always been one of those people that go up the road and round the corner before anything actually happens

Is that something youve been told by an alcoholic near you?

I always got told slot of things when he was drunk