Help me with these behaviours

[Queenofthedrivensnow]

Firstly this is not a romantic relationship. This is a work environment situation.

Periods of flatly ignoring everyone.

Being very frosty if approached. Even by more senior staff.

Suddenly snapping out of it as if nothing has happened.

Being quite rude and arrogant to very benign colleague.

Sweary abusive outbursts toward close friends.

Selective ignoring of some team members whilst laughing at joking with others.

Sulking or flouncing home at unwelcome news - think change of staff not redundancy or loss of income etc.

Sometimes making quite hurtful comments.

Thoughts please?

My thoughts would be they go to the doctor and get some help or they leave

The swearing and rudeness should be a disciplinary

Manager needs to manage them properly

Leaving work after an outburst should be performance management

If you're a good manager you would be trying to find the root cause and getting to the bottom of it while saying its unacceptable

An action plan would be written and daily targets put in place

First break of the action plan would be management warning, second would be fired

To advise don’t we need to know who you are in this scenario?

Are you their manager? If so, outline what specific behaviours are unacceptable. Start with the more 'obvious' ones first. Is there something behind it, how can you help? i.e. softly approach at 1st but make it clear things need to change

If this person is a colleague, speak to your manager about how it disrupts your work.

If you are their manger tread careful . As it could some kind of mental health issues . I would take HR

If you're a good manager you would be trying to find the root cause and getting to the bottom of it while saying its unacceptable

Yes, this. You don't say if any of these are new or different, or if the person has always been like this. Some of the behaviours sound as if they could be stress-related. Or the person is just a twat. Someone needs to find out either way.

I'm not the manager thankfully!! The worst outburst was very recently so waiting to see what happens next.

You're right it's disrupting my work. Considering going to hr myself but feel very bad about doing this. The person in question I do really care about as a friend/colleague and can be great company and co worker.

I don't want to describe any change of circs as could be identifying and already feeling very disloyal but one day this week it upset me so much I cried and eventually left the office. It took me along time to compose myself before I could carry on with tasks outside the office (search me on here and you can easily see what my job is)

Oh the other behaviour I forgot is being overly critical about others choices. Here is an example - random chat in office about dishwashers 'oh god no I would never do that it's so unfriendly to the environment I really can't understand why anyone would be so selfish like that' I've changed it a little but you get the idea.

And thank you for the replies I'm still floored as to what to think!

But there have been changes (even if you can't say what they are)? Then this is the key surely?

As a friend/colleague can you broach this with her: "Are you OK, you seem really different lately? Do you realise how difficult you seem at work? How can I help?" kind of thing?

Or raise it with her manager: "I'm worried about X. She used to be xyz and now she's abc. It's affecting how her work relationships, have you noticed?" If her line manager has already spoken to her, they won't be able to tell you what was said of course.

Or he of course

Well if you're not their manager, this isn't really your problem. Your problem is if their attitude is making your work more difficult, in which case you need to raise that with your manager.

For all the rest of it, I'd re-read Toddler Taming and use those techniques While you can't put your colleague in a time-out, you can leave them to it and politely disengage when it's not a work specific conversation. And just keep focused on your job.

Behaviour issues have increased since said change but they were present before.

If it's affecting your work that much then you should raise it with your line manager and/or HR. I would ask for your concerns to be documented (eg in a summary email) so this situation cannot get swept under the carpet if their line manager is unwilling to address this.

The person sounds quite unwell/troubled and as though they need considerable support, whilst it is also important that it is made clear to them that these behaviours are upsetting, disruptive and inappropriate.

@trulybadlydeeply I think I need to cut and paste what you said into the email.

Spoke to a few people today they all think I should escalate this. It's sad. I'm sad.

I would say that is a toddler

@Lifeismorethanamerrygoround an adult with a professional role

Bumping because I'm
Actually dreading going to work tomorrow :-(

Hi @Queenofthedrivensnow how are things? Have you been able to raise this with someone?

Raised with manager today. Asked to be moved teans. Manager quite resistant about it. I have used language suggested below like 'disrupting my work' abusive and bullying. Manager said she would look at bullying policy. I threatened hr