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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sister moving away with abusive partner.

2 replies

MrsNacho · 22/09/2018 09:36

My sister went off the rails about 4 years ago and as a result lost her daughter who lives with her dad.

She turned things around, kicked her drug addiction and is now living with another man and they have two young babies both under two.

The problem is he is abusive to her, he controls her, won't let her out, even to mine, with or without the babies. He reads her messages, goes every where with her and gets physical at times too.

The reason she stays with him is because she can't get a house. The council won't help because she abandoned one property and was evicted from another during her drug addiction. She can't get a private let as her credit rating is poor and she had no access to money to save.

She won't move into a women's refuge because she doesn't think she will ever get a house so she will be stuck.

He gets into her head and says of she goes out of the house she won't be allowed back in (house is in his name) and she will never see her babies again. He says he will tell social services she is crazy and they will take the babies off her.

She is depressed but won't go to the doctor because she thinks social services will hold it against her.

They had a row a few weeks ago and he dropped the babies on my doorstep, knocked and left. I hadn't even opened my front door. My sister wasn't here he just knew I would phone her and she would come back. I had no choice bit to phone her because I have to go to work. After that row I made the mistake of telling him I could see him for who he is and would get her away from him.

Now they are moving miles away. To another house that will be in his name, she will have no family or friends.

How can I make her see that this is the worst possible thing she can do. She needs to be honest with social services about her situation and one to the refuge where she will have help and support but she is so scared he will get the babies.

She has tried Shelter, Shap and CAB in relagion to housing bit none of them can help.

OP posts:
Oneweekleft · 22/09/2018 10:51

The only thing I can think of is if you could invite her and the kids to live with you but I can't see her partner giving up that easily. Your sister is right she could lose her kids if she seems in an unstable situation. She could go to women's aid but I think it's possible she could lose her kids but maybe someone else can give some better advice.

MrsNacho · 22/09/2018 11:10

I have offered that but she thinks because he has a house and we would be really over crowded he would get the babies.

The thing is he has never looked after them, be does nothing for them, he doesn't even let her have a shower unless they are asleep so he wouldn't actually want to keep the kids. He just knows she is too scared to take the chance.

OP posts:
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