This isn't ok is it? Content warning

[keyboardjellyfish]

Background: I live with a flatmate after leaving my abusive partner a few months ago. I miscarried a while ago and would have given birth end of August, so am struggling a little but not really showing it to flatmate, and dealing with my grief alone.

I went into the kitchen about an hour ago, half asleep, bad night with grief, just to make a cuppa and go back to bed. Flatmate was in the kitchen, cornered me, made me cry over my dead baby and generally got me in a very vulnerable headspace.

Flatmate then became incredibly angry at me for not being comfortable with their boyfriend around, who has been accused of being a rapist by many people. Flatmate said I am ruining their lives by not letting him in the flat and that I am a terrible person.

I then was crying over my baby, whilst feeling guilty for not wanting a rapist near me, at 1AM, with no friends awake, feeling terrified. This isn't ok is it? What just happened wasn't ok was it? I need to move out, don't I?

Oof sorry, that was meant to be in paragraphs!

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP. You sound very unhappy and now there is some drama around this Flatmate?

I think you need to look for a new place - hard though that is. You need space to be calm and rebuild and recover not be around incredibly angry people with possible rapist partners!

It might be that he is innocent (has he faced any charges)but you are right to be concerned ,your friend is probably infatuated and blind and her aggressive attitude to you does not bode well..Move out .

Definitely need to move out. You need time to heal with supportive people around you. That person isn't your new flatmate x

I also think you should look for somewhere else to live. It sounds like your flatmate is more of an acquaintance than a friend, and perhaps not a very kind person, but she may also be a bit uncomfortable about sharing her home with someone who is in a distressed and vulnerable state.
Are you getting support/counselling? You've had a horrible time and may well need help to recover, but even the nicest of flatmates are not going to be able to provide you with a full support system when they have their own lives to lead.

I echo Cheetoburrito's comment. You are not in a safe environment and need to move out as soon as is practical.

Could you stay with family or friends while you look for somewhere new?

Move out! Your flatmate has really bad boundaries and I don't think it's a safe environment for you.

Definitely move out, your flatmate’s behaviour is bizarre and her bf is 50:50 a rapist. I’d be packing my bags and booking a hotel right now if I were you.

Thanks everyone. I've slept on it and I'll be making moves asap. This isn't healthy.

Fwiw, the flatmate was a friend when they moved in (we live in the flat I lived in with my abuser), but I don't expect support from them, I just didn't realise anyone was awake and was very obviously not ok when I went into the kitchen

And yup, definitely agree I need counselling, but the lists are long and I'm currently a skint student :(

Does your uni not provide counseling?

Yes you should definitely speak to university. In fact why not get support from the students union (women's officer maybe), is there a doctor on campus? Get them to support you into a move into a hall of residence so you have a combination of your own space and support nearby.