I need a bit of help with this and I very much need objective opinions.
I don’t want to drip feed or make this too long , but I want to give as clear an account as possible so opinions are as informed as possible.
Around a year ago my family suffered an unexpected bereavement that has continuing emotional ramifications. This is relevant in that I don’t think anyone is yet back to being normal, if that makes sense. I think emotions are heightened and a bit out of kilter.
Anyway. I have always had a close relationship with my younger sibling. We have had a few childhood spats but never a serious argument.
I struggle with my siblings relatively recent partner with whom I am not naturally in sympathy shall we say and whose dominant personality I find difficult ( as do others ) but this isn’t openly evident, and thus has not been an overt issue. Friendly relations have been maintained at least on the surface. However, it seems that the partner does not really want me to be too involved, doesn’t encourage visits, will not visit my home and has gradually decreased contact over the past year or so. It is subtle , but noticeable. I have felt phased out.
A complicating issue is that my elderly and vulnerable surviving parent lives with my sibling. The partner actively encouraged and facilitated this without reference to the wider family; certainly I lived at some distance at the time and was presented with a fait accompli. Whilst my parent was and remains fully capable of making decisions and retains capacity,my concern was what might happen should physical care needs increase, which is extremely likely, and likely to impact wider family now that my parent has effectively made themselves homeless.
Recently I had the opportunity to move closer to home and had the chance to make this a permanent option. I spoke to my sibling about this and suggested I make the move permanent, not least to be able to offer more support to our parent.
The response was along the lines of ‘ fine but how long before I caused trouble ‘ which shocked and hurt me. My sibling has form for this sort of comment by the way It’s usually passed off as a joke, but a few relationships have been damaged by tactless, hurtful and frankly unnecessary comments.
I was hurt and angry, and said so,albeit quite mildly, and I have been really devastated by the response , which is to never go to their home or make contact again and that I have been blocked on phone etc.
A couple of months have passed. I’ve managed to see my parent by other means. I’m buying a property elsewhere.
But my sibling has now sent a message via another relative saying the estrangement is regretted.
I regret it too. But the shock and hurt has been profound and I’m stuck at the fact of being blocked and told not to approach their home. It cut to the quick and was also terribly humiliating.
I’m sorry this is so long, and stilted. I don’t want it to be too identifying.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t, I never did, want trouble. I don’t know why I was told I would cause trouble. But I can’t feel the same and I can’t ,yet at least, accept the olive branch. Yet my parent is in the middle and it’s such a difficult situation. It breaks my heart to be estranged from my sibling, but I’m not sure I can forgive and forget.
I don’t know if any of this makes sense! Any advice is welcome, but please don’t be too harsh. It’s all still very raw.