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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just want a hand hold

5 replies

Mollymoose · 21/09/2018 22:43

To cut a long story short, I have stopped my ex from seeing my little boy. He constantly lets him down, is involved heavy with alcohol and now drugs and owes quite a bit of drug debt out.

I got the advice from a solicitor to stop contact as I shouldn’t be the one who had to supervise it and let him take me to court to get something set in place via a contact centre or mediation. I have advised him to do this, as I don’t want to be the one who is responsible for letting my son get hurt over again.
Anyway he owes me quite a bit of money which he was meant to be paying me back. He has stopped. He also doesn’t pay my son a penny as he said what is the point of he is not seeing him. He also quit his job a couple of months back so he didn’t have to pay nothing even though I know he is working but not claiming it.

I’m finding it hard childcare wise to go back to work as I only have my mum and she works full time. I am struggling so much financially to the point that I’m now on AD for anxiety and just feel like I’m failing as a mum.

I don’t know what I’m gaining from posting this except I don’t know how “dads” can get away with this. I just feel like total and utter shit and can’t stop crying.

Has anyone been in this situation before?

X

OP posts:
crappyday2018 · 21/09/2018 23:10

I've not been in this situation OP but i just wanted to say you are NOT failing as a mother. You stopped contact with your useless ex because it was not a safe and healthy relationship for your son to be in. That took guts. I assume you are claiming all the tax credits you can? I'm sure the CSA (or CMS I think now) can still claim some money from your ex even if he's not working. It may only be a small amount from his benefits, but its better than nothing. Also, if he is working and not declaring it, I would considering shopping him to the benefits office!!!
I know things are tough right now OP but you are an amazing Mum and don't forget that.

Brandnewshit · 21/09/2018 23:55

Im having huge issues with a shitty ex too, im half asleep but just wanted to say keep on holding your head high and try not to let him ruin you.
Its v hard i know, but i know exactly how you feel

Take care x

Brandnewshit · 21/09/2018 23:56

And cms all the way x

Mollymoose · 22/09/2018 02:54

Thankyou both for replying 💖
Yet again another sleepless night overthinking, my mind is literally my worst enemy sometimes ha.
I will contact cms and see what they have to say.
As for shopping him, he is literally one of them men who could land in a bucket of shit and come out smelling of roses. I hate him for doing this to us.

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 22/09/2018 03:04

Handholding here too

And I agree with the PP who said well done for stopping contact and doing the right thing by your little one.

You are not failing at all.

Talk to CAB or step change about your financial issues, they may have some ideas.

I hope things improve for you soon.

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