Abuser?

[NickyNora]

Do a abusive people know they are abusive?

I've realised dp is actually very controlling. But i don't think he means to be.

The relationship is breaking down. I almost totally organised to end it.

Stuff he does
He barely talks to me.
Won't put his shift times on the family calender.

Won't put appointments on the calender. Changed his annual leave without talking to me, meaning i couldn't go on holiday this year.
He never criticises me.
He never praises me. He never asks if I'm ok, (including after a recent operation).

Is that abusive?

In isolation, that doesn’t sound abusive - more thoughtless and selfish behaviour because the relationship has run its course and he’s checked out. But it’s very little to go on. Either way, it sounds like for the best that you’re almost ready to leave.

Most formal definitions of emotional abuse are that it involves the perpetrator actively and intentionally behaving in a way so as to hurt or upset their victim. Thoughtless and selfish behaviour can also hurt or upset, but the goal of it isn’t to do so; it’s just somebody putting their own needs and wants ahead of their partners.

Most abusers just copy what they saw from their parents.

Do you have children with this wankbadger?