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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do I deal with this situation?!

2 replies

Notsleptin2wholegoddamnyears · 21/09/2018 20:28

I’ve posted on here a few times before, bottom line is I ended finally ended things with my horrendous ex a while ago.
I thought things could work out and I could cope with his behaviour but it came to a head and I had to end it.....i then found out I was pregnant again, very irresponsible, too much wine accident.
So, we have a 2.5yr old together and I am now 5 months pregnant.
Since the split he has been emotionally abusive (usual behaviour) and has spent months telling me how I have ruined his life, taken his family away, he loves me etc, he is currently living in a bedsit until he can sort out more appropriate accommodation which is fine but he has so far refused to get a car seat to take our son out and I have been allowing him to come to the house as much as he wants see our son, also letting him take my car to take the little lad out.
Our little boy has never had the best relationship with our son and often gets upset and refuses to go out with his dad, hence why I have so far been allowing him to spend so much time at the house with him.
The problem is, I have been away with family for a week with our son and the ex has behaved appallingly towards me. Telling me how much he loves and misses me but then sending pics of him with another women, he’s told me that he feels he will have no bond with our second child and that he thinks I should think about options of not having the baby (I am 5.5months pregnant and want this child) he’s sent me msgs but then deleted them straight after, he’s basically harassed me and ruined my holiday.

My question is, how the hell do I go home and deal with this? I don’t want him anywhere near me, I don’t want him at my house. He is asking what he has done so wrong??!
How do I move forward in terms of access to our little boy if he is refusing to spend time with him away from me?

I want him to be in his kids lives but definitely not in mine.

OP posts:
Aprilshowersnowastorm · 21/09/2018 20:31

Let him see your dc in a contact centre not your home. You are enabling him to be a lazy twat the way things are imo. He needs to sort a bed /toys etc at his place .
You need to concentrate on looking after yourself and enjoying your pregnancy.

Notsleptin2wholegoddamnyears · 21/09/2018 20:43

I am so tired, looking after a toddler, working and being pregnant, I guess I have enabled him to do the bare minimum and have been so worried about the split affecting our child that I have just allowed him free rein but it needs to stop. He is manipulative and controlling and is still managing to control the situation and I need to get my shit together and man up.
I guess I feel responsible for the horrendous relationship he has with his son and don’t ever want to seem like I’m hindering access.
Bottom line is, he is an abuser and he can’t be in my life.

OP posts:
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