Joint Accounts and Financially Vulnerable

[WinkyWinkola]

I am a SAHM. DH and I agreed that we felt it better for our children this way.

I get given a set amount of £ each week by DH for groceries.

I have a credit card. We don't have a joint account. I don't really know what £ goes where beyond my grocery money.

He is on a reasonably large salary but says we can't afford anything like a new chest of drawers or to have the floors in one room sanded (£500). But DH sometimes comes home with expensive gifts like £75 face cream or £150 worth of clothes.

I'm starting to wonder if I'm a total sucker not to insist on:

i. a joint account even though I'm not earning right now
ii. an spreadsheet detailing all of our expenditure.

How do I go about doing this without creating a big row? He always feels I'm attacking him about money like a pushy, grasping wife.

Hmmm. Must say I wouldn't be happy with being given 'housekeeping' money. We've always had a joint account, through various earning combinations over the years (including 3 years of me being sole earner).

I would try and calmly say I feel I would like to know a bit more about our finances and be part of any decisions. It does seem like you are rather financially shut out and your dh is the decision-maker, which is not the way it should be IMO.

I would not be happy with that as DH is rubbish with money. Until recently i was SAHM but i did all the finances. He really wouldnt have a clue how much any of the bills are. But i have made sure he knows where all the info is if anything were to happen and he has full access to all the accounts - even the ones in my name only.

If it is upsetting you then you need to tell him, any kinds of secrets can make you feel uneasy.

I know it is not always right to focus on doom and gloom but if anything were to happen to him it would be really hard to sort it all out if you dont even know about bank accounts ect, it happened to a friend of mine when her H died and she had no idea how much money or lack of it there was.

equal footing in your relationship means a joint account. you're not a child who's given an allowance while he bestows presents HE thinks you want. insist on it, ESPECIALLY since you're not earning at the moment. you're totally within your rights to know where the money is going.

You can have equal footing without a joint account - DH and I now have a joint savings account, but really, I never look at it or transfer money in or out of it.

To be equal, though, you do need some transparency, and equal right to spend money. You don't seem to have either of these.

Hmm.I would ask for a joint account.

Granted that our joint account is to cover bills/mortgage/nursery fees and nowt else.

I have a small amount of money per month after above outgoings in own account(work 16 hrs pt)

As other posters have said,you deserve to know how money is spent.Even if you do not earn wages outright you are doing the most important job ever,bringing up the children,and should be treated as an equal partner.