Basically I’ve met someone nice. Really nice. He’s down to earth, funny, kind and caring. He’s respectful of me and my boundaries and has never made me feel pressured - I’ve not wanted sex so far for instance and he’s not so much as joked about it even though I know he wants to. We haven’t been seeing each other long, only 4 months, but I am so unsettled by all the calm!
Background: I had an ok childhood with parents who were present but I felt like i constantly had to seek their emotional attention. I’ve never felt able to express any emotions properly or at all with my parents and still can’t. I understand now that it is ok to share emotions and I am able to do that with partners.
I’ve been in horrible relationships in the past, a couple of good ones but also a couple of bad ones. The last one was terrible - full of emotional abuse and huge amounts of silent treatment that left me feeling nearly broken. That got me to buckle up and address some things, I’ve started therapy and reading around what a healthy relationship is and I am much more careful about dating and taking things slow is a big thing for me.
The reason I’ve come here is because I don’t trust my judgement anymore. Why do I feel scared about someone being kind? Why does it make me feel embarrassed and shy? I cringe sometimes when he makes an effort to see me or do something nice.I feel actually uncomfortable when he is so nice to me! The thing is, my abusive ex was nice to me often, and I never cringed..I was usually relieved he was being nice and had stopped silent treatment etc. So I could deal with the nice.
I want a family and a husband and I don’t want to make the mistakes I have in the past. I guess I am making the right start by therapy and taking things very slowly.
But... If any of you have experienced anything similar and found peace with someone lovely and learned how to accept that into your life, please share!