Abusive ex partner abuse, need help

[Brandnewshit]

Hi i posted a few days ago about my ex, dc came home from eow contact in uniform that smelt, they had been to school Monday like this.
I dont know how to link prev thread.
I sent him a carefully worded email about it on a email address that is set up for contact i check once a week, all other methods of communication have been blocked.
He pays the legal minimum cms, calculated by cms. No other contributions will be made, i have an ongoing illness, ms, mental health and anxiety, i think also ptsd but im waiting for counselling through nhs.
I am in receipt of benefits.
Anyway he sent an abusive email back, threatening to report me to ss, which he has in the past.
The reports were closed down and treated as malicious.
I had police involvement when we were breaking up, and shortly after.
He was harassing me, my neighbours, family, friends, following me, hiding in garden.
Police were involved and he was served a PIN.
He hacked my emails, set up recording devices in my home, sent intimate pics of me to someone online whilst still in the relationship.
After a year we kind of made contact and were civil and almost friendly, this was due to ds having an issue at school and we put our differences aside
He then moved in with a partner after knowing her a few months, he then demanded every weekend access which i refused, he then started the abuse again. Hence the blocking on every thing again
I havw called police to report all this again.
What else can i do.
Im going to ring women's aid a little later today.
I need help, im scared of him.
Its affecting kids as he is telling them im manipulating them and lying. And he will fight my lies.
Pls help im surviving on diazepam and having panic attacks

The email i sent regarding the uniform quite politely said he had 2 options
To buy a uniform for his house or bring them back sunday night so i can make sure its clean, he chose to bring them back Sunday, but hes spun it to kids im stopping access
Im not and will never do this, but the eow weekend arrangement will stand, he wanted every weekend but was told no.
There is no court order in place

Hes told me that his partner has an auntie who is high up in ss and shes going to look into prev reports and advice him on how to tell kids to deal with bullying and manipulative parents, which is ironic
He grew up hating his mum, as she abandoned him, i was his mother figure for 14 years really, he is a man child, and it seems that he is determined to make his kids hate their mother (me)

Don't let them see him

I’m so sorry you’re having to struggle with all this, OP.
Sending you a big hug first.
Next, your ex will get nowhere with SS even if this “ high up auntie” even exists, which I very much doubt. He has a record with the police for harassment and abuse, so they will be well aware of his agenda.
He very evidently needs counselling for his major mother issues, which he has projected onto you, and, by proxy, your children. But that’s not your problem, it’s for him to sort out.
You need some support in real life, as well as the hand holds you’ll get on here.
Do you have a good friend or relative who could comfort you and let you offload your anxieties a bit?
If not, there are always people to listen to you at Women’s Aid, Samaritans (you don’t need to be suicidal to phone them), or your local parish vicar or minister ( who will be trained in pastoral support).
Finally, if he is issuing threats or being aggressive again, don’t hesitate to go back to the police for help.

Ignore all his crap about SS.
They will conclude the same thing again.
So please stop worrying about that.
If you feel frightened or feel he is become threatening again then please call 101 and speak to the DV team and report it.
I hope Womens Aid can help you later, if you can get through.
Otherwise, try Rights of Women, they may also be able to help you.

You are doing so well so keep going.
Stop listening to his bullshit and carry on being the awesome mum that you are.

Ive just been on to womens aid, ive got a list of solicitors, and some services that can help me.
Im worried how this is affecting my kids so i think im going to speak to gp.

I don't want to stop access, i have no concerns about them in his care, and this will only play into his how shit a mum i am game.
Is it possible for social services to give me details of the reports that were made against me?

And thank you for the handhold and hugs.
I feel so lost and i dont think this will ever stop.

Womens aid were fantastic, ive got an appointment with a solicitor, ive spoken to ss, and the safe guarding officers at dc school.
Its been an exhausting day. But i feel a bit stronger

High up auntie would lose her job if she reads reports not asigned to her and advises a familty member on the content of those reports! Both illegal and unethical. High up auntie would probably be fired for even telling new idiot gf she would do it!

Doubt she exists anyway, but just in case ring ss and make them aware of the threat. They can flag your records to see if some unauthorised accesses them. I believe you have the right to know allegations against you, but not the name of the person who reported, but you know that anyway. If you have evidence of him threatening to report you maliciously then tell ss too. Prempt him!

Yeah ive spoken to ss, made them aware that he has threatened to do this
Ive found evidence that he is screen shotting more email convos between us and sending them to my ds. Then manipulates the context to him.
Ita like he is grooming him to hate me.
I cant speak to solicitor till next week, ive spoken to women's aid this morning who advised me to not raise the issue with my son, i saw the message this morning, and allow contact as normal Monday pm as this will only be twisted by him.
Im scared for my ds, he doesn't really bother with my dd with these games.
The uniform issue was that they smelt,
I gave him 2 options, buy a uniform for his house so he has longer to wash and dry or return Sunday night so i can make sure its done, so he had 2 options.
He chose return sunday but has spun this to kids im stopping access.
I calmly exlained to dc that dad had been given 2 options, he chose.
My dd simply said why doesnt he just buy a uniform?
But its ds he is feeding this stuff to not her

And all the previous reports were shut down as malicious, so even if auntie did look she would see it for what it all is.
He said he wants advice on manipulative parents, the irony!

Well done for preempting the shit stirring with SS. My DP is going through a similar scenario at the moment as his ex has made a load of false accusations to the police. Google the term DARVO, its very helpful in these circumstances as it will help explain what your ex is up to.

Thank you i will google
Does anyone have any suggestions of what i need to stressing to solicitor, he mentioned over the phone that rather than going for an injunction first of all i suppose it would be a warning letter, like a cease and desist type of thing.
I obv want him to stop contacting me with abuse, but i want him to stop filling my kids head with crap.
I want to go with a list of things i want to get across
Im also going to take print outs of all the email threads where he has sent threats and abuse
Any suggestions?

Just speak to your solicitor and they will guide you. However you suggesting your not concerned with him having your DC that worries me as he is emotionally abusing them and until he stops sending messages to your DS and twisting things about your I would be stopping contact. He is damaging your DC

Make a list of the issues and be specific. There are two issues one relates to you and his abuse which is a separate process and he other is his damage to your DC.

I had to go to court although this was my ex wanting contact with my DS . You need to not turn it in to tit for tat and only ever focus on your DC. This is about what’s best for them so you need to create a timeline of events. Take copies of emails, messages her has sent to you and your DC and anything else relating to police and SS.

Restricting access is only something that o would do by instruction of ss, solicitor or police. Its not something i would do lightly, it will just play into his hands and upset dc further, he would still message my ds, i cant take his phone off him hes 13. Hes done nothing wrong

I get that it sounds illogical, but me stopping access would be more damaging, if i am instructed of course i would.
If access is withheld and dealt with by court order and reinstated his manipulation would still continue i cant keep them from him forever, that would cause more damage long term

My ex got NC via the court due to his emotional damage which included him informing social services I was a drug addict and then having to interview me. He abused me and then used my DS to do the same. He never physically abused his DS it was all emotional stuff. They take it very seriously and the damage he is doing to your DCis not reversible if it continues

Although I can see with your DC it is slightly different as they are older and can make their own decision. However unless it’s NC or supervised access he will continue getting in your DS head. All you can hope for is that your DS realises what he is doing as he gets older. The risk however is that it simply allows him to play you both off each other when he hits the teenage angst stage. When I went through it and it is was also my dad that left us, he hardly saw us and when he did would ridicule my mum. I would go to my ‘fun’dad and turn on my mum when I had my moments during my teenage years however at age 18 I stopped seeing my dad and didn’t see him again for over 20yrs.

I just dont know what to do
My ds is 13 and is a sensitive boy, the accusations ex makes about me manipulating them is absurd, he is blatantly doing this to him.
I have asked school safe guarding to reach out to him.
Thing is my ex denies what he did and does to me was abuse.
He isnt wired up normal
How can he not see that within 20 mins of me sending email to ds where i offered 2 options either buy a uniform you have longer to get dry or return on Sunday, he chose to return Sunday and tell ds im stopping access and I'm unreasonable, maybe im worn down by his games and abuse, but this is pure mind games directed at my son is it not?

Sorry me sending an email to ex not ds