New gym, overtime, no sex...what's next?

[RoastLambandmintsauce]

Hoping that this doesn't end up in the DM but..My DH has just rekindled an renewed interest in the gym and keeping fit to an extent that he visits daily. He has recently started working overtime at least once a month at weekends (not overnight) and work evenings out with colleagues maybe once a month.Not so unusual maybe but I feel something is not quite right.
This morning I found him putting on/taking off his wedding ring (not sure which tbh) and waking up early taking his phone into the other room.
His phone is password protected and notifications are silent or not obvious as is all the tech in the house.
FWIW - I have no access to family accounts because we don't have any or they are all in his name, therefore can't see anything.

The last time that he started going to the gym regularly he decided that he wanted to separate/divorce for reasons that I could not comprehend at the time. In hindsight I think he developed an attachment to a work colleague who was having marital difficulties.
I think I'm having deja vu, but hopefully I am reading too much into our present situation...or am not I being a bit naive?

I'm getting a bit obsessed by this as it's been in the back of my mind for a few months and then keeps rearing it's ugly head again.
The fact that we haven't had sex since I last initiated it is also making me concerned.It was weeks ago and months before then, and he's shown no interest since.There is no affection whatsoever in our relationship anyway but I'm surprised as he would always be up for it ...

Am I flogging a dead horse horse if I suggest counselling?

Do you have children?

Have you googled top 10 signs of cheating?

If they don't apply then I'd suggest counselling if you would like to improve your relationship yes. Do you talk about your relationship much?

Yes, we have children, I'm a SAHM and we only ever talk about our relationship when the shit hits the fan really. Usually every couple of years or so.
I've been reading alot about cheating recently, gut feelings I suppose.

I would be sorting out the cash situation personally. Does he just give you housekeeping?

Do you know for definite he is at the gym?

Oh OP I’m sorry to be blunt but sounds like he’s cheating to me. Password protected phone? Taking off his phone? Longer working hours? You said this pattern has occurred before. Listen to your gut.

I meant taking off his ring sorry!

The kids are primary school age but old enough to click that something is amiss in his behaviour towards me.
I get monthly money for running the house etc. and enough to get things for myself and the kids so no issues there...with small stuff.
I guess I just wait as I have no proof.

So sorry 💐

Any chance to find more info instead of waiting?

Somehow recently I was reading a lot about cheating sings and it all came up like “linking the dots...”

Please stay strong and try to find more information.

So sorry

You could be writing that about me and my exH. Exact same pattern, gym, overtime, working away, golf / golf trips away, suddenly taking a lot more care in his appearance, no sex.

Was another woman, well women as I later found out

Before counselling is it possible to have an honest conversation with him first about your fears?

Yeah I'd be willing to bet he's up to something. Men only start doing that for two reasons; a doctor issues a stern warning to make healthier choices and take better care of themselves, or they're cheating/about to cheat.

Please don't ignore this. You either need to talk to him or look for evidence of cheating.

"Men only start doing that for two reasons..."

Assuming that "that" means "Going to the gym" then I have to disagree.

Sometimes we just get tired of looking in the mirror and having to suck in and throw our shoulders back in order to kid ourselves into preserving our own ego. It's why I started.

Agree with that. I started going to gym and cycling into and out of work - couldn’t give a damn about what women think about it (not cheating either) and doc not warned me about anything. Doing it because I want to be fitter, feel better and so I don’t turn into saggy, middle age paunch. And the exercise can be fun (when it’s not blowing a gale like tonight!).

Not to say whether that’s the case here. Who knows?

Always follow your gut! It took me months to try and make sense of his behaviour still didn't enter my head it was an affair but I just knew something wasn't right. The distance I felt lonely early mornings to work lack of interest in me and I'd just had his baby! Only found out when the ow rang me house phone the bitch! But did me a huge favour hope it isn't it for you and the children

I'd start thinking about financial independence tbh.

I'd also invest time in yourself...by going to the gym...taking up an interest and looking good for yourself

I’m sorry I too think that there will be someone else involved in this.

How long ago was the last time - could it be that he was seeing someone then and it stopped for some reason but has started again.

Get yourself on top of the finances - your position sounds very much like mine was 4 years ago and I’m still dealing with the fallout of a really ugly divorce.

For those that have said they just got into exercise for health reasons you seem to have missed the bit about taking off wedding ring and going into other room with phone -

Sorry op I sincerely hope I am wrong [ flowers]

I also go to the gym so can understand the motivation but am struggling to comprehend the need for virtually daily workouts.
Green - no possibility of anything from the past with same work colleague as we left the area, quite co-incidently I'm now thinking.But not before she had followed him to a new place of work.
I think I need to ask a few questions about the state of our relationship and why he has no interest in me, again.

Thanks for the replies, I'm sporadic in the responses but preoccupied with stuff and reading all.

You know exactly what this is. You have seen it all before. You need to sort yourself out one way or the other.

Deja vue here. Yes I would definitely say he's cheating in some form or another. What are you going to do? I went through all search history and phone bills but you say you cant.
Can you demand to see bank accounts/phone? His answer will tell you.
A long time ago I had an affair and my excuse was gym, staying overnight with friends and work dos. Pretty obvious really.

What's happening OP? Have you put any more pieces of the puzzle together?

Isn’t the next step taking more care of personal appearance, new aftershave and a wardrobe update including new pants ?