Pressed self destruct and keep pressing it

[youdumbfuck]

Senior guy at work. Bit more working together in recent months. Work do chat got a bit inappropriate. Everyone had had a drink. Raised eyebrows afterwards but didn’t think much of it. I’ve always respected and admired him and flattered to get some face time with him.

Ended up messaging re work crisis a few months later and it snowballed from there to a whole night of messaging one Friday. Basically it’s ended up in us screwing around.

Both attached.

It’s all escalated so quickly. Ended up getting morning after pill.

It’s like I’m on autopilot and that this is happening to somebody else and still I don’t seem to be able to help myself.

I’ve always been in control in relationships but I’m completely out of control here.

It’s so fucked up. Potentially career destroying and yet I’m just on this really fast train and I can’t get off. I can’t even connect with any guilt.

It’s like I’m in somebody else’s body and feel completely unstable. Even in the act It’s like it’s not me and I’m not there. And it’s quite shocking and rough.

I don’t know if I’m sane. I’m waiting for a tap on the shoulder to be sectioned.

Never been promiscuous in my life. Wtf

Not an affair and yet you've taken a morning after pill

Your excuses are quite frankly a load of BS also.

I’m listening. Just thinking.

Take control of how this ends.

Message him saying that you've come to your senses and realised you have to end it. Say you hope he respects you enough to not let it affect your working relationship. Then hope for the best.

The alternative? He dumps you and makes life at work miserable. Or it gets discovered and everything hits the fan.

I don’t mean driving past work. I mean driving and keeping going. I have lost weight even though I can’t stop on the wine. I literally don’t sleep and I have to keep going running to get all my thoughts out and the ones left pushed down.

It’s disgusting. I’m disgusting.

Yes, you are making active choices. At the moment, you seem to be wanting to deny that but you do have control. You are just choosing not to exercise it at the moment for whatever reason. It might be worth delving in to why that is.

What is the attraction? Is he a fantastic shag? Is it his seniority?

You're not in love with him so why are you risking everything for a bit of office based sex? It's such a cliche and you're being so unfair to your DH.

I could almost sympathise if you had a shitty marriage and this man was the love of your life.

I don’t know if I can message him to end it. There is no acknowledged ‘it’ to end. It’s not a ‘thing’.

It is a thing. An agreement to fuck in his office when he summonses you.
Message him that you can't do this any more. Or you want to go back to being a team member without the sex. Whatever words you choose. Don't make excuses, just end it.
Or don't.
Your choice.

Op you seem to be acting like nothing is your fault but it is. You have the power to stop this behaviour but you're making excuses. End this stupid affair (and it is an affair whether you think it is or not!) and try and sort out your feelings and maybe see a gp. I think you need help, and seeing this man is not helping. It will all end in tears.

Of course it’s my fault.

He’s a powerful person and I’m scared of what I’ve got into and how to get out again.

You said “it’s disgusting, i’m Disgusting” so you at least you see it for what it is. Those words were what everyone is thinking.
Even if by some very faint chance your dh dosen’t Get to know however are you going to face him ever day.

@youdumbfuck

Sweetheart,
I think you need to talk to your GP.

Impulsive sexual behaviour, thoughts feeling uncontrolled, needing to go running, needing to drink, not being able to eat, not being able to sleep,

These are all symptoms of mania. Do you have a history of depression at all?

Please see a doctor. I can't tell you how urgently you need to see a Dr. Please try.

You aren't disgusting - you are in crisis. Please reach out for help x

Ask you other half if it's a thing. Tell him and then contact your bosses wife. I bet they think it's a thing.

You need to look for another job. You have made yourself the office joke.

And he looks like a wanker as well.

I don't get it. If it was a woman posting on here that she'd caught her husband shagging someone at work, it'd be all dump him/ fry his balls immediately. Why is it when a woman is doing it, its all there must be something wrong with her, see a doctor etc. It really gets me. Of course, you feel crazy and are drinking more. You're cheating on your husband and getting your end away in the most seedy way possible.

You and the bloke you're shagging are equally to blame. He's not forcing you into it.

Suddenly, it's he's a powerful person and I dont know how to get out of it. Crap. You haven't even tried. In your previous posts it's clear you just have the hots for each other.

Stop with the it's everyone's fault but mine and end it and/or look for another job.

Noone is forcing you into this

Next time you get the summons to his office, refuse. Tell him you want your relationship to revert to a professional one. Shagging in work is as sleazy as fuck. Stop making excuses and stop fucking him.