How do you breakthrough when being stonewalled, is it possible??

[Bestlife18]

This is one of my first few posts but need some answers from people who have been there.
Basically, my husband left in July. We had been married for 3 years and it was largely up and down. He had a dysfunctional upbringing and every time we argued, rather than face things, he rang away, text me saying “I’m never coming back, etc etc” and then reappeared a few days later! We never got any resolution on any arguments because he always ran away. Then, we have two children at home too so they took priority over our own relationship. I acknowledge my part in our demise. He had been sleeping downstairs for ages because he snores like a pig and I couldn’t sleep. This has no doubt been one of the major causes for our issues and I have apologised profusely afterwards.

So - we had another massive row in July, where he started to get very angry and scary. Off he went and I vowed that was the last time. As did he. He turned up a few days later to find his bags packed which sent him into shock, I genuinely think he was coming back.
So, long story short - he has finally got himself a flat, has moved out but point blank refuses to talk to me about anything. I feel like I owe it to my kids to at least see what counselling could do for us. I had a first session with relate, I have told him and offered that he could see the lady on his own too. I will carry on with them if nothing else but to help me accept and move forward as I am stuck in this terrible place where I am obsessing over him 24/7. I have tried to break his stonewalling by writing him a huge letter of apology (handwritten) addressing all of my own issues. I did get a text back from him saying he didn’t really know what to say, listed a load more issues of his own and that is it. He won’t come in the house when he picks kids up, says it is too painful, he looks so sad when he hands them back. Any tips for breaking through this or should I just bloody well try to walk away and have done with the whole thing??! It’s driving me crazy, can’t focus on anything, hence seeing relate.

Hope you get a message back and he doesn't withhold that information, there's another thread on here about "share red flags for womankind" it's a good read, might not give you much in the way of closure but you may relate to it somewhat. Hope you have a nice weekend, just relax x

Just a quick update - he wrote back straight away with the address! I was ready for an argument for sure!!

I'm glad he did, just remember though you will get really pleased now that he's out of his most recent stone wall episode, he's not cured, he will do it again and again. You still can't offend him, you'll still walk on eggshells even now, causing this extreme anxiety in you.
As the other poster who is a stonewaller explained, she wraps the problem in a box and doesn't give it a second thought, while your left exhausted looking for a glimmer of hope.
We're treated so badly by this but we cant let it go, looking for validation and closure so we can move past this, they keep control and power but only until we change our reaction so they can't.

Hope your DC has a nice time away at dad's and you have a chill out