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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Single mums?

4 replies

babybump201800 · 20/09/2018 11:19

Hi, I'm pregnant and having problems with my partner. He has 3 kids and going through a divorce (with the wife who is completely unaware ) . The mother only sees the children every other weekend so he has the kids most of the time, this is not decided by the courts. Although I'm starting to see the bigger picture and feel she has been pushed out of the situation as she is not from the UK she's Thai with not great English. I have accepted the situation and since finding out that I'm pregnant we have both been excited, until a family holiday, my partner completely turned on me with depression and asked me to abort and telling me he will never marry me. We later worked through things but all I am doing is trying to please his needs and running around for him and his kids and feel there is no relationship and no support for me. His moods are so up and down and i don't feel stable in living with him bringing a newborn into the situation. He said he will only support me if I live with him otherwise he won't help in any way.. he has his own business and his kids go to private school but he says if I do this alone it won't support in any way as he will say he has no money. Does anyone know my rights? I'm a little nervous that later he may try to get custody of the child if he doesn't get his way. I'm only working part-time and would have to find somewhere to live. I have supportive parents but longterm does anyone know how can I make this work? something I was excited for has turned into a massive mess.

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 20/09/2018 11:23

He sounds terrible and a bully, I feel bad for his ex. He won't get custody of your baby if you move out now and set yourself up. I don't see how he can say he can claim he's got no money whilst sending his other children to private school though, he will have to support his child

hellsbellsmelons · 20/09/2018 11:25

How far along are you?
Would you consider a termination.
This man sounds abusive and controlling and not someone you want to be tied to for the next 18 years.
For now, leave and spend some time with your parents.
You need some space away to think about things.

He can SAY he has no money but if CMS can prove he does then he will have to support his own child.
But personally, if you don't want to terminate, I'd be going it alone.
He has shown his true colours.
As they say on here, when someone tells you who they are... Listen!!!

Fadingawayagain · 20/09/2018 14:24

I’m guessing by him wanting you to live with him he will use this as ammunition if later you split. Perhaps the same thing with his ex. Don’t move in with him you will be stuck even more so when the baby arrives and you will finder it harder to leave. Start getting yourself together now in terms of accommodation.

BitOutOfPractice · 20/09/2018 14:29

He's divorcing his wife without her knowledge and he's taken her children away from her? He threatens and bullies you. And he has made you into his skivvy.

What on earth makes you think this man is a good bet to have kids with OP?

How long have you known him? I think I already know the answer to that

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