How long did it take you to recover from abusive relationship?

[Thistimenextyear19]

Just that really. I'm in early stages, haven't moved out yet. I have DCs, will move out in the beginning of the new year. I feel so worn out, broken, exhausted. He's messed with my head.

Please tell me when will I start to feel slightly normal again?

You will definitely start to feel better as soon as you move out but there are no quick fixes and it will take some time to undo the damage that's been done to the way you think etc.

The key thing is to remember everything you've learned about this type of man and move on from it, knowing you'll never make the same mistake again.

Make sure you put plans in place that limit any potential future abuse and control that could be focused around the children and contact. This will help you stay more in control of the situation and minimise the potential stress.

My husband left (I had to wait for him to go) 12 years ago. There has been no contact for the children not due to the violence weirdly but because he simply never asked for it. This fact has helped us enormously. I had 2 years twice a week counselling organised by Womens Aid and we relocated to a safe house 8 years ago and although I think my husband knows the general location of where we live he hasn't found us. We have seen him every year - we live in a seaside town.

I would say we are about 70% recovered. The children have been to, or are at, University and I am graduating on Saturday and starting a professional career.

However, we still scan everyones faces. My husband is very distinctive and anyone with a similar look makes us panic to varying degrees. We have driven every single road of our town so we know all the escape routes inside out. Just in case.

When we go back to my home town we go when we hope he is at work, we visit the family we have stayed in touch with and then we leave immediately. We all have migraines that day. We all can feel our heart rates escalate as we get about 10 miles away.

I have a new grandson and my daughter will not let his picture appear on social media so that my husband cannot recognise him and potentially approach him.

Mostly we feel normal but there are just times when we all become hyper vigilant. We then go home and laugh about it which is our biggest coping strategy.

Contact Womens Aid and enrol to do their Freedom Programme.
They may be able to help you with specialist counsellors in your area as well.
It will take time. A lot of time. But things will get better when you no longer see his smug face every day.

Why can't you move out until the new year?
Have you spoken to Shelter about your housing options?
What have CAB said?

2 years on, I feel a lot better and now go whole days without thinking of things that used to happen. I have been very lucky to have a very supportive boyfriend to lean on.

It's really not easy, I have had to deal with a lot of threats and police involvement, and sometimes I still can't sleep - but it's a lot better than it was. You will get there well done x