Domestic abusive relationship and pregnant, HELP!!!

[katexo]

Hi everyone,

I’ve been in a relationship with someone for over 2 years, I’m in love with him but now after SS getting involved my eldest son is living with my parents, my youngest son has been adopted (through courts etc) and I am now pregnant with my first girl. I am emotionally drained and don’t want to be in the relationship anymore. I am scared to leave. I am never alone and don’t know what I can do. I can’t loose my eldest son and my unborn child because I’m scared to leave.

What can I do? I have no friends and SS won’t let me move back to my mums. I have no money and mental health is worse than it’s ever been before. My other half is constantly drinking which causes him to be both verbally and at times physically abusive.

Have you spoken to Womens aid?

No, I can’t ring them because he’s always around

I tried ringing them last time he left but they didn’t answer and called back when he was with me so I couldn’t answer them

When do you next see your midwife? If you are posting here, you can email the midwife and alert her / ask her to engineer a situation where you can talk to her.

Not until October. I’m mentally stuck with him and it’s no good for me or my unborn

Do you get a chance to leave the house on your own?

Can you get a message to your mum to ring the police for you?

No, he always wants me to go with him. He doesn’t work or anything. I didn’t think I could involve the police because he hasn’t actually done anything it’s just I’m scared if I try to leave he will then become abusive

He has done something love, he’s physically assaulted you, and is verbally abusive. This must be known already to SS if they have removed your children. You are on a very dangerous and difficult situation but you do have to get out, I know it’s very very scary and hard but you have to do it. The police and social services will help but you have to get away from him.

[email protected]

You can contact by email if that's safer.

In the past he has physically assaulted me and I have reported it but he always gets found not guilty so it just looks bad on me. The last time the police didn’t even turn up and my cousin had to come to help me leave. He always tells social that im lying and that he ‘only’ binge drinks at weekend but he can’t go a day without at least 1 beer. Every time he gets aggressive even towards other people I get shakes because he then normally starts an arguement with me. I’ve gotten to the point where I feel emotionally dead inside and I know I have to leave but how do I leave when every time I have tried in the past he gets abusive towards me. I’ve miscarried a few month ago and it would break me to loose my unborn child again because I’ve tried to leave him. I try to wait for a time when he’s not had a drink but it’s getting a habit for him to drink every day. Other people look at me to think I’m stupid for staying with him but I don’t want to stay, I want to leave but I’m scared for both my life and my unborn child’s life if I try.

I’m so sorry. You are in a terrible situation and I have been in similar. Womens aid can help. There are refuges and safe places that you can go to. Can you get out of the house when he is in a drunken sleep?

No, I’ve learnt from past experience that if he wakes and I’m not asleep then he gets abusive

You could speak to any police officer and they could have you taken to Womens Aid. Could you get messages to Social Services or the MIdwife or even your Dr.
Icant remember what the sign is but there is something you can draw on the palm of your hand and you can show it Nurses Police etc and they know that you have a problem but cant talk. Perhaps someone on here will be able to tell you more about this.

I’m going to see if he goes to the pub tomorrow and say I’m I’ll and that I’m staying in bed and try leave then.

OP if you’re the same poster that keeps posting this under different names, please go back to your other threads and take the advice on there.

No I’m not, I’ve only asked about this once as due to the time I needed a bit of support

Apologies OP but a very similar story has popped up twice. Similar being exactly the same - elder son with parents and no contact allowed, younger son adopted and baby due to be taken by SS at birth all due to abusive partner.

No one can make you leave. Only yourself.
Losing your child has not been enough to make you leave. You will lose this one too. Do you really want another child, tying you to him?
You are your own jailer here.

When you are at your midwife appointment, you can ask for help. Write a note to the midwife and slip it to reception or her if you have no time alone.
If you go into a Children Centre, on a pregnancy related excuse, you can ask for help.