Hello
Thanks for reading. I’ve spent months going through threads about similar topics, reassuring myself that I’m not going insane. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. In short my partner is IGNORANT about about life and survival. We have been together for 9 years since college and I just know he hasn’t grown or changed where I have. I should of seen the signs from day 1 where I spent our college years driving 30mins from my home town at ungodly hours to visit him only to drive back to my home town for work the next day. He didn’t have his license for some of this time but in the 3 years I lived and worked out there he drove out and stayed at my Dads with me about 2 times. The remaining times I drove in. It was at THIS POINT I should of realised he is somewhat selfish? Anyway track on 5+years he remains just as unambishious to excel as a person, he is the type of man which waits for opportunities to fall in his lap rather than work for them. I am the complete opposite to him in this respect and my outlook on life compared to him is completely different and it is toxic to our relationship. I have always been the person who plans in the relationship. Anyway a big toxic part of our relationship is that he doesn’t cook. Never has, never thinks to, just thinks food appears on the table with no planning, logistics or though process. I’ve been asking him for years to cook, to make him realised meals don’t just fall out of my a**. Anyway yesterday I reached my whitz end. That morning I had asked him to help me cook dinner tonight, these were his responses:
- Awww I wanted to come home and play mine craft (he is 27 years old btw)
- You cook stuff that’s to fancy (there is more to this)
- You like cooking where I don’t
Don’t get me wrong I’ve heard these ‘excuses’ from him many times over the year.
He claims that my meals are to fancy and that he can’t compete with that. For the record my go to meals are curried sausages, roast w gravy, lagsanga sooooo not fancy! Anyway he claimed he could just eat steak with tomato sauce for dinner and the fact I go to the effort of cooking ‘fancy’ food is not nessacary. Anyway I proceeded to spend the day getting ingredients so he could help me with dinner (lagsagna). I had left the ingredients on the bench for an hour, ready for him to offer or think to start prepping. HA what a joke how wrong was I. About an hour later he asked ‘what’s for dinner?’ As obvious lagsagna boxes stared at him. I said ‘Lagsagna you were meant to help me cook it tonight, if you don’t want ‘fancy’ lagsagna there is a steak with tomato sauce you can cook’
I know it wasn’t a very mature response but it was my response to him not thinking like an adult. It’s my response to living with clueless, ignorant male for the past 9 years! I could honestly go on and on about his ignorance but I won’t bore you. Anyway we ended up having quite the biff about cooking/groceries last night. I told him multiple times “I’m out, I’m done” which was clearly some wake up for him. I told him how whilst I enjoy cooking it is ‘a chore’ a chore I have done nearly every night for years! Something I go out of my way to plan, gather and prepare for where he must just think it appears out of thin air. Anyway he has offered to start cooking saying he wants to do Hellofresh to start. I told him to do whatever it takes to get him in the kitchen but I want no part of the planning or prepping. This is 100% his job for now. I really worry he won’t Persue this, he hasn’t persued anything in his life so how can I trust him to do this?