Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I making the right choice??

9 replies

zobo90 · 19/09/2018 20:08

A quick refresh.. have been in a relationship for 8 years. Got a DS, mortgage in boyfriends name. He is abusive. Well I think it's abuse? Calls me slag, ugly, fat and worthless in front of our son. The odd shove. I'm 27, have been with him since I was 19. He's all I've ever known and is very handsome. I suppose I've always been in awe of him and had quite low self esteem which has resulted in him doing whatever the hell he likes. Blush

In a nut shell he knows I'm unhappy and have been for a while. Went on a make or break holiday recently. He was lovely. Has been lovely ever since but I just cannot forget what he has said and done to me in the past. I got attention from a friend of a friend which gave me a little confidence boost and I thought maybe I'm not so bad after all. So I've decided to leave him. Still in touch with this guy but he lives 200 miles away so could never work out at least I think?? I've always known that I have to leave for myself, not for anyone else. Currently living with DP but not together which is hell on earth but I can't afford to move out and going back to my mams is a no go.

Have cried non-stop for days after being so emotionally shut off for years (I can't even remember last time I cried before this). It was my birthday yesterday and he said he wanted to come to my family's house with me. I said well that will be a bit awkward since my family know about us breaking up. Hell breaks loose - "what have you told them? Bet you've portrayed yourself as an angel." I haven't, I've given a fair account of what has happened! He always says that I make myself out to be perfect??? Never the case.

Anyway, so my dad really gets on with him. Thinks he's the bees knees - would KILL him if he knew what he calls me. Please bare in mind my dad and me never have a cross word to say to each other. He called me yesterday (drunk) to say that I was making a huge mistake leaving DP and I would regret it and loose everything. He doesn't want his grandson brought up in a broken home etc.

This has really hit home for me as my boy's happiness is paramount to me. He is literally the only thing that keeps me going. This is just so hard. It doesn't help that DP is being so nice to me too as its harder to remember the horrible things when someone is being nice and it makes me feel dreadfully sorry for him. Does it all get easier??? Will I be alone?? (biggest fear)

I don't even know what advice I am expecting here as I know deep down it's the right thing to do. It's so overwhelming as I have always destined myself to a life of unhappiness to keep my family together and now there is a tiny glimmer of hope and happiness at the end of the tunnel.

OP posts:
sleepismysuperpower1 · 19/09/2018 20:40

do what you feel is right. so many kids grow up in 'broken' households, and turn out great! i would ignore your dad in that respect. it isn't going to be any better for ds to grow up hearing those names and words, he may even grow up thinking that is right.

where abouts are you from? maybe you could try a housing association, like www.riverside.org.uk/find-a-home/rent-a-home/properties-available-now/ so that you could move out?

i wish you all the best

cestlavielife · 19/09/2018 20:47

You need to tell your dad what this dp calls you.
You are bringing up your d's in a " broken " home already one where d's is learning how to treat other people. Better a safe happy secure home away

Pollaidh · 19/09/2018 21:03

He's definitely abusive. Nice men don't call any women those names, let alone their partners, nor do they shove them.

Far more damaging for your son to see you being treated like this. He will be much better in a non-abusive home, with you. I think you need to tell your dad the real situation.

zobo90 · 20/09/2018 10:45

I've always been strong in my opinion that I would never taint him in my families eyes as he is DS's dad but I think I may have to let him know some bits as it isn't fair. X

OP posts:
Joysmum · 20/09/2018 11:23

I would ask your dad why he thinks so little of your judgement that you’d do anything that would affect your kids without good reason, reasons that you aren’t sharing for the sake of the kids and your ex’s relationship with them in future.

Onemansoapopera · 20/09/2018 11:46

joysmum is spot on

Musti · 20/09/2018 12:04

I would tell your dad what you've had to put up with and so that he sees that that is no home to bring a child up in. But to be fair, it's your decision to end even if he hadn't had been abusive. It's your life!

And yes you are absolutely doing the best for your child and yourself. If you're ever in any doubt, imagine your child being with someone who treats him like your ex is treating you. Or your child treating his partner that way. I know that is never want my daughters to be treated like their father treats me or my sons treating their partners that way.

Blondebakingmumma · 20/09/2018 12:05

Be truthful with your family why you have broken up. I’m sure they will be more supportive

zobo90 · 20/09/2018 18:20

Thanks for the advice everyone. Having a sit down with my dad tomorrow to give him a glimpse of what life has been like. Will let you know the outcome x

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.