Can I ask some questions re Erectile dysfunction?

[Gettingolderbutnotwiser]

Finally got dh to just about to admit there 'may' be a problem in that area! Mid 40's been together for nearly twenty years, also had a good sex life, but for the last year it has dwindled to next to nothing and only if I instigated it. So, I laid off and nothing for 8 weeks and when we did do it he could finish, bcause it had gone soft!

In my mind this meant he must have been having a affair. I had a breakdown ( I had spoken to him , a few times before, but he kept saying nothing wrong, doesn't know what I am talking about etc).
Anyway,he swears that he is not and would not ever. He says that he fancies me as much as he did in the early days and his stupid body id failing him. Later that day he booked for a blood test after I told him about testosterone levels droping.

So getting back to my question. I don't know what to do now? I want to help and understand ? Is it ok to ask him about it ( would love a mans opinion on this), or does it make it worse- would it then be on his mind and be a self fulfilling thing? Do I intitate anything or is that pressure ? If it happens during sex- how should I react? I do not want to feel a failure.
Sorry it has gone a bit, thanks for reading if you have got to the end.

IME its either all about the blood flow or psychological.

Just a few examples, diet, exercise, weight, alcohol consumption, smoking, MH (stress, worry, depression) testosterone levels, medications.

It could be a blip or it may be long term. GP for a well man health check including prostate check (he could have enlarged prostate) BP, testosterone, cholesterol, i.e. Full blood count. There is a lot of information in blood tests.

It's not always about the woman!!

I suspect with DH it’s mostly psychological although it then produces the physical effect of not being able to maintain an erection.

We also find the more sex we have then the more likely he is able to maintain an erection without needing viagra etc. But he does seem to need a bit of a kick-start.

It bothered me an awful lot before he first went to see the doctor. I felt that he didn’t find me attractive. At the same time he thought I’d leave him over it (which hardly helped him keep an erection either).

I also think that with him having used porn a lot before meeting me didn’t help as his body got used to sex being like that. He did stop using porn when we met each other (or at least after we first had sex) but I think for him it was ingrained by then.

Thank you everyone, I really do appreciate the time you have taken to reply. It has helped me immeasurably.

somethingthatworks it is quite mental isn't, just at t the time when things should be at the best in the bedroom, this happens. Seems like a cruel bloody joke! Luckily I didn't had to push to see the doc, he was kind of relieved when I said sometimes there are medical reasons.
H8Red that is not fair. I am not selfish I am trying to get my head round this and understand. I want to know the best way to approach it , without pressure , but without this elephant in the room. I want to talk about it to him ( it is not really about the sex, its the distance that was between us). Honestly, I have 100% had his back and support him, but didn't have a clue why he was being that way.

Scott72 In regards to the affair thing. I still don't think it is too much of a leap. Yes you are right , he could be still sleeping with and someone else. But you and others have said the libido wains in men around this time, so therefore if he was getting it elsewhere, why would he be bothered to force himself to have sex with his old, fat wife:0(
I have seen it happen to friends and read about it loads on here!.
Anyway, I don't think that is the case ( I hope).