Would you stay in this relationship?

[onenewtime]

I'm struggling. Would you stay in a relationship with a man like this?

Pros
Kind
Very funny - shared sense of humour
Intuitive, knows me inside out
Pulls his weight at home
Gets on with my family
Generous with his time, helping out
Faithful 100%
Clever
Is one of my only support network, I don't have family locally etc
It's the only relationship I've ever been faithful in, so I figure I must really love him

Cons
Been together over four years and no proposal
He wants kids, I don't want more (I have one). He thinks I'll change my mind. I won't.
He is quite bad with money
Sex is boring
I don't always like him touching me, I need space. This is a more recent thing.
He struggles to deal with my son with SEN and doesn't always respect me when I ask him, for example, not to respond when son is having a meltdown. I think anyone would struggle to deal with my son, tbh, but he can often make things worse rather than better.

I just don't know whether I'm still here because I love him and all relationships have their downsides, or just because it's comfortable and easier to maintain the status quo.

Is one of my only support network, I don't have family locally etc
It's the only relationship I've ever been faithful in, so I figure I must really love him

These two jump out at me as coming from a weird place and that they are not actually his pros.

The cons are actually pretty huge - you don't want the same things in life, you're bored by the sex and beginning to dislike his touch, and he doesn't take notice regarding your DS. The beginning to dislike his touch makes me think best get out while it's amicable. Him wanting kids of his own is massive. I pronounce this one dead in the water, you both haven't accepted it yet.

He wants kids and you don't. That's not a resolvable issue.

Does he know you definitely don't want more kids?

If sex is boring now just imagine what it would be like in ten years time.
I’d pass

No. The wanting children thing is pretty major, as is the lack of sexual attraction.

And if after four years he didn’t love & understand my child, I would find that difficult.

I just don't know whether I'm still here because I love him and all relationships have their downsides, or just because it's comfortable and easier to maintain the status quo - to be honest, from what you've written, it could be either. It could be that after 4 years things are more settled and "taking each other for granted" than they were at the start - but in a nice, normal, comfortable way. Or it could be that you're bored of him.

Get out. As quickly as possible. This relationship is going nowhere.

I think you're comfortable and it's scary to move on and lose the support he offers. You are considering settling for less than you really want. That never works out well.

It's also not fair to pursue this knowing he wants children and you don't.

I'm confused why you would want a marriage proposal from someone who you don't want touching you

@Trinity66 I'm not saying I do. But I think it's important for context - probably shows things are not all ok on his side too. Surely most proposals happen before the 4 year mark?!

It sounds a bit like everything you like getting from him you could get from him as a close friend.

It also sounds like the things he might want from a partner (children for example), and things you'll both want from a partner at some point (a mutually fulfilling sex life) you won't be able to get from each other.

I wonder whether @Doyoumind has it right with I think you're comfortable and it's scary to move on and lose the support he offers.

He's the closest I've ever had to what I really want in a man, by a long way. But does perfect really exist anyway?! I don't want to leave due to a misguided fantasy of a fairytale that doesn't exist.

I completely respect your not wanting to go chasing a fantasy OP, but it's not chasing a fantasy to expect to find in a relationship something you wouldn't be able to get from your friends. He sounds like a good man - a very good man - but you don't have to be in a relationship with a good person to benefit from them. But if you want good sex and children (or not children in your case!) that has to be something you're aligned with your partner on. Because nobody else can give you that.

Yeah it's not about finding someone who's perfect, it's about someone who's perfect for you, has similar priorities, makes you happy etc