My boyfriend doesn’t want children

[Bee26]

Hello, when me and my boyfriend first got together he told me he wanted to have another child with me but not for a few years. He already has a 2 and half year old from a previous relationship. He’s now saying he doesn’t want anymore. This is such a big deal for me because I really do want them. What should I do?

You're 22 - you want kids. So don't move in with him.

Talk of moving in and having children after 4 months is wildly premature. Which one of you is in the big rush to be middle-aged?

What else do you have going on in your life? Job? Career? Prospects? Friends? Hobbies? Best friend? Travel opportunities?

Nonagray- because they're young and it's a bit irrelevant at the moment. He's unlikely to have made a final life decision at that age and unlikely to be thinking about kids yet. Also the fact that he's got a young child with an ex will cloud his view. In the future when he's settled and his peers are settled and more mature, he may change his mind.

Leave, find someone who wants what you want.
You only get one shot at life and if you want children and he doesn’t then you’re not compatible.
Be grateful you found out after only 4 months.

When you first got together? Isn't four months still first getting together?

I should imagine he's feeling very pressured!

You sound very immature to be honest and need some growing up before considering children.

Musti he has a child already, he knows what being a father is like and doesn’t want to do it again.

He’s not a child, it’s not sensible to treat him as if he doesn’t know what he wants.

What is the magic age at which the OP should suddenly start believing what he says?

Meanwhile she risks her chance to have kids.

When you first met he wanted a child with you but now he doesn’t, perhaps he’s realised you’re not the person he wants to have more kids with but what is the rush?
I had my first @22 he’s 17 now and fab but I missed out on my twenties dating and enjoying myself just enjoy life and meet someone who wants the same things you do one day.

I don’t regret having my son young but I would say to do the things you want in life before you do settle down, and either enjoy being with this guy and accept his wishes or move on to someone who does share your feelings about kids

Discussing having children isn’t the same as actually wanting to have them immediately.

Just because the OP wants them it doesn’t mean she’s planning them right now.

I was engaged at 22 and wouldn’t have said yes if my DH hadn’t also wanted children.

We didn’t have kids for another ten years (planned) we were just being sensible and marking our lines in the sand.

A slightly different situation.. but DB wants kids, his wife does not want kids. She was achieving great things in her career, as was he, so he married her regardless and has always said she'll change her mind. She never changed her mind, she kept excelling and is now in a high paid senior role and whereas he thought she'd be feeling achieved and ready to have kids after all, she can't imagine anything worse. They've been married since they were 22 and are now mid thirties and have had a very happy marriage and unfortunately now despite how much they love each other, they are separated and feel they have no choice but to divorce. Having children is a massive thing and no one should have to compromise on whether they want them or not.. don't hang on and hope he changes his mind because as much as I feel for DB he knew what he wanted and she was honest from day dot and now he's wasted her time and is putting them both through hell because he wanted her to change her mind. It's ok to be selfish, it's more selfish to stay in vain.