Advice and your stories wanted

[Willing2acceptAdvice]

Hi all, please be kind, I’m feeling slightly delicate right now.

I’ve been a member for a little while now. I’ve always watched posts but never commented or posted myself. I suppose I’m a little shy.

I’ve been with my girlfriend for 5 1/2 years. We’ve had a few rough patches in our relationship but we worked through them. The main ones included an ultimatum “if you won’t marry me before im 30 I’ll go find someone who will”, a serious mental breakdown to myself which related to cash’s flow/debt and my other rejecting my wishes to pay of debt before saving for a wedding. And her telling me that I had refined her Christmas and weekend after hurting myself at work and being hospitalised.

Then approximately 2 years ago I began to have serious doubt about our relationship. I ignored them thinking it was just a phase I was going through but noticed now that over the last year they have become mor frequent and don’t seem to go away.

My issue is that I always dreamed of having children in my early-mid 30’s and this is causing some serious anxiety issues around leaving her and being an ‘older’ dad. Couple with the fact that we have been trying to have children but my other half has recently been diagnosed as having PCOS. I think I know deep down that there is no longevity in our relationship. I don’t want to fall into the trap of a baby plaster as I don’t believe it fixes things...

I’m 36 in a month, I get told by friends who have had children later in life 35-40 that age is just a number and often get told I don’t look 35-36 and actually ,pre 28-32. Plus I don’t feel 35/36. I suppose I see it that I wanted to be able to have children but still have enough time to live my life and go and do things, visit places etc. I think back and think if I had only have made a decision sooner I wouldn’t have this worry now about my age.

I suppose I want your thoughts? and your stories? Anyone on here had children late 30’s into their 40’s? Or children of older parents?

My hubby was 49 when we had our first child. He is youthful in mind and body and loves his kiddies. He told me that he thought at 44 (before he met me) his life was over and he'd never be marrried or have kids. He had a breakdown because of it.

Age really doesn't matter. But a stable relationship does.

Of course older age means he'll be 70 when our first is 21, but if his family is anything to go by, he'll still look relatively young and live a good long life (as long as he takes care of himself!)...

But then my parents had me relatively young and died early. There's never guarantees. But a happy life with a happy family is still worth it.

If you have mh problems you need someone who can be kind and supportive, so that's a red flag for me... But even if she was the perfect woman, if your hearts not in this relationship anymore, then it's unfair to her, to yourself, and to any children to 'make do' just because you're concerned about sticking to a certain time frame.

Be honest with yourself and her, and if it's time to call it a day, then free yourself to find that right person.

Put time out of your mind! Please!

Let go of the pressure and let your heart lead you.

Haven't you posted this (twice) before? If not, there have definitely been threads by a guy worrying about being an older dad, so you could look them up.

If you don't know after 5 years if you want to marry her then she's not the right one for you. You've still got ages to be a dad so think about whether you're with the right person.

I was with an ex throughout my 20s and by the time he asked me to marry him, my feelings had changed. Don't leave it too late if you do want to marry and don't worry about everything being perfect. It rarely is.

You're wasting her time and yours if you see no longevity in this relationship. Life is far too precious to spend it with the wrong person.

Please for both of your sakes tell her and never settle!

Lots of men have kids well into there 40's so I wouldn't worry about your age.