what kind of a relationship is acceptable with in-laws after a divorce

[imalittlestar]

well not divorced yet but getting there, thing is its ex mil's b day this thursday then fathers day on sunday, we were close before things went wrong but then things have been strained for obvious reasons. me and ex have a 1 year old dd, do i just buy them something from the little one and risk hurting there feelings or buy something from myself as well and risk them feeling uncomfortable.

Message withdrawn

im not really sure if its the done thing though, i dont want to offend anyone but i dont know if everyone will see it as really weird and think that im trying to hold onto his family.

I would send a card/gift from both of you. i t shows you want a realationship with them as the grandparents of your child, it also shows you see them as a separate being to your ex

I still have good relationship with my PIL - I know they think DH a shit but would never say so we don't talk about it really - but they have great relationship with DD and MIL looks after her 2 afternoons a week while I am at work - they have been great sent me card and money (bless) for my birthday today - so although bit strained they are still your DC grandparents so some realtionship is to be expected (oh I still buy presents and will prb get card and present for FIL from me and DH even though seperated as he would forget).....

Agree with Crunchie; definitely civilized and friendly.
A close friend of mine still has a close relationship with ILs 5 years after she and h separated. They are now divorced. H was a shit but his family know that.

My Dad kept in touch with my Gran for over 20 years after he adn my Mum divorced. They (he and my stepmum) had Gran round for tea, and for dinner on Boxing Day - our big family day in our family.
He even went to her funeral a few weeks ago. It was very civilised and nice - and as a child and an adult I really appreciated it!

my relationship with my inlaws (soon to be ex) has improved since H left 18 months ago

they dont agree with him having an affair & accept why I asked him to leave. They think hes made a big mistake - his mother even said to my sister at my DS's party "theres no telling a fool"

they come & stay 2 or 3 times a year with me in my house - they babysit one night & the other night we sit in watching films & talking

they send presents & cards to me as well as the children & phone whenever they like

I was on holiday in Wales recently & knew they were in the same town (have a caravan) so I rang them & said "we're on the beach come & find us" - they had my ex grandmother-in-law who hasnt seen the kids since ex left & she is 83 & was over the moon

I think that if you can keep the relationship going, its best all round

Ds's dad and I split 12 years ago and things are very amicable now. Due to his lies in the first two years they never saw ds but, see him regularly now. Which is more than can be said for ex, who bothers himself roughly twice a year despite living less than a mile away.
Prepare yourself for the event that it may be awkward for the first year or so. Write the card from dd and yourself and address the present from her. In time, things will be easier, now my ex pil buy xmas/birthday pressies for my ddfrom this marriage too. And I am grateful to them for keeping up a bloodlink for ds, esp as his dad has to all intents and purposes forgotten he exists.

I have been divorced for ages now (been with dh#2 7 years) and have an excellent relationship with my ex ils. Ex mil stayed here last weekend to look after ds (who is ex dh's) and dd (who is dh's). I have always maintained a good relationship with them, so I send MIL birthday flowers and she is still very entwined with our lives. But I have an amicable divorce (ex dh is here now, sees ds every other we and twice a week)

So in your position I'd send them b/day presents and I'd stay in touch. It's worked for me.

Should have said things are very amicable with ex's parents.

Send a gift, They may not be your in laws forever but they will always be your DDs grandparents.

Yup, try to keep the relationship good and freindly because they are your DCs grandparents, so there should be a continuing contact for the sake of both IL and DC - also they are not necessarily responsible for you and your XP having fallen out. Ideally (and obviously everyone's circs are differnet and it can take a lot of time etc) it's good to keep on civil/friendly terms with XPs if they are co-parents, as well.

it may be a little awkward at first, but it'll settle down. i'm sure they will want to keep in contact with you.