How do i ask him...?

[DiscoFever]

This feels so wierd as I have been with my dh for a total of 19 years, married for 10 and feel odd about this dilema i am in. Basically, the last 16 years have been a horrible struggle financially as we hav both been (till recently) pretty "low earners" but thankfully we are now in a position where we no longer have debts, or any credit with anyone ie no credit cards, loans, overdrafts etc. DH had a phenomenal wage rise this year and receives an average of £500 extra a month. I have always worked part time and pay half of all the house hold bills, buy all the food, plus all stuff for the kids and some weeks it is a real struggle for me still as money doesnt seem to go anywhere. I rarely buy myself things (last bought clothes for myself in february) I am not friviolous by any means and half my jeans have got holes in! What i want to ask my dh is i think we should consider getting a joint bank account as with both of our wages together we will be stronger financially. I am scared to ask him out right and i dont know why. This isnt the issue - i want to know if other couples have joint bank accounts or is it best to stick to seperate accounts?

me and dh have a joint account, but i keep all the cards for it, if he wants/needs money he either asks for his card or just takes money from my purse.

this will possibly sound strange to some people but dh has never had to manage money in his life and its a habit that we kind of fell into once we were married.

perhaps its just habit with your dh as well and he has never thought to change the arrangment you have.

DH and I have always had a joint account. Neither of us spend much on ourselves so having a joint account has worked for us. At the moment I am A SAHM so not earning any of my own money anyway, however, the money in our joint account is "our" money. Personally I can't understand how it works when couples have separate accounts. How do you decide who pays for what?

I was speaking to a friend about this last night. Her and her DH have separate accounts as he is a bit of a spendaholic! She feels alot of resentment because she doesn't feel the balance of what they each pay out is fair. It does work for alot of couples though.

My mum and dad have a joint account which their wages go into and bills etc are paid out. Then they each have an "allowance" paid into separate accounts which is theirs to do with as they please. Maybe you could suggest that type of set up to you DH?

Maybe open the conversation with something along the lines of, Do you realise how much I pay out every month and go through exactly what you spend.
Good luck

We have a shared household account, but keep spendies seperate

gosh, some really positive thoughts here, thanks. I am not resentful at all though as i am used to being skint! It would be nice though to know money is there should i need it. I go to the supermarket DAILY as i personally can not afford to buy a whole weekly shop in one hit as i get paid per half term or weekly by my music students. Thanks again, it has given me some ideas on how to start the conversation.

joint. it's not fair for him to be rolling in it and you to be totally skint. marriage is about sharing and being on an equal footing.

we have always had a oint a/c - couldnt think of any other way of doing it.
#cx

We've always had seperate mainly due to circumstances making it easier. All the bills come out of mine, dh pays for food and petrol etc. However once I went p/t he topped up my wages and now we have a standing order set up.

We've been married 19 years, together 25- until 3 1/2 years ago e always had seperate accounts. It just strated off like that and we both knew exactly what was going on in each others accounts moved money between them when needed it was never an issue.
Then helost the plot completley and had an affair-my world fell apart around me!

As part of the healing process, as part of him wanting to show me how sorry he was and how committed he was to us he suggested a joint account and I jumped at it! It had never ever been an issue but when he had an affair I suddenly felt so vulnerable. Please raise this with your dh (i'm not suggesting for 1 minute he's going to have an affair)my point is you never know what's round the next corner and having a joint account might just make things easier for you should untoward things ever happen.

Apart from anything else it's obviously bothering you and you should be able to say ANYTHING to the man you love- no secrets- they create barriers and mistrust!