How many counselling sessions is "enough"?

[lloydjam]

Currently having counselling with my DH. He has been withdrawn and distant from me for a year and foolishly i has been trying to make things work. Was told by him about 6 months ago that " he's not in love with me and doesn't have feelings for me any more". Cue another 6 months of trying to get him to talk (yes i know ....) End of the summer i brought things to a head and said we need to tell the kids and separate as i could not take this anymore. This is what we did but then he announces the next day he wants to try joint counselling (we previously had it on our own but after one session he said he didn't like the counsellor and didn't want to go again. SO.. i agreed to this and we have had one which he thinks was worthwhile BUT I haven't seen any change in him at all since then and no effort. I realise I should give the counselling some time but how long should i give it - i know it's difficult to gauge as everyone is different but I can't go on much longer but want to be fair (even though he doesn't deserve it).

I know i have been an idiot for putting up with this for so long but you think things will change don't you ??

I think you need to give it a go until it is clear in your mind what you want - whether that's to split up or you're both getting back on the same page.

I took my first ex and me four sessions to realise we didn't want to be together any more.

It took my STBXH and me much, much more and things still didn't work - hence STBX.

In your shoes, I'd probably give it four and re-assess how you feel.

Thanks Dancing

Yes 4 sessions seems fair. In my heart i know that the marriage is over as I can't see how he can suddenly change how he feels and acts towards me in a month and I am so worn down by it all. I just want to know either way what he wants- I've been waiting for a year for a change and i just have to keep going for another month. The good thing is that I've been mentally preparing myself all for it to be over for a while now so when the final split comes i think ill be able to cope.

Counselling is unlikely to change how he feels about you.

A lot of people do counselling as a tick box exercise...their mind is already made up.

I'd say try 6 sessions...but it seems deep down you know he's checked out of the marriage.