Please tell me it gets better...

[dancingintherain1111]

I am reeling from having to start divorce proceedings for the second time!

My first ex was a decent guy but just incapable of stepping up when life got hard - chronically ill child. We split up amicably and have managed to remain friends for the last eight years and we've both worked hard to focus on our child and deal with issues as they arrive.

My STBXH lied continuously and left us with a shit ton of debt. He is very Jekyll and Hyde and has recently turned nasty again after a relatively peaceful six months of sorting out our separation.

I fell so massively let down by both these men and my ability to trust anyone has been shot to pieces in the last couple of years.

I'm not interested in dating for quite a long time but I just can't see myself trusting anyone ever again.

Any good news stories to give me hope?

anyone?

You trusted and were duped. It happens, unfortunately a lot. Of course it gets better.

Take time out to be single and build yourself up again. I too was duped in the past. I don't tar every man with the same brush though.

You just have to be careful who you give your heart too. When you are happy being single you will be inclined to heed the red flags, because they are almost always there. Xx

Thanks HereIgoagainxx, you're right, I don't think I was duped first time round, just chose a guy who wouldn't / couldn't grow up.

Second time around, I went for someone completely different and was duped massively & until yesterday was still being duped - so angry at myself for having fallen for it again and again for so long.

I am totally focussing on myself and all the good things that I have in my life - which are many.

I suppose I just don't trust my judgement anymore - it will be a long time before I will be going there again!

I’m recently single (7 wks) after my second failed long term relationship. Felt like a bit of a failure and concerned for my kids too. I have 2 from the first relationship and a baby from the second.

Like you I can’t envisage being with another man, starting over and trusting again. Also very reluctant to potentially bring another man into my kids lifes.

Like PP said focus on being single for now, being happy with your own life. When the time is right to move on you’ll feel it. That’s what I’m hoping anyway 😊. Live and learn!

you have to give yourself time and stop beating yourself up. Break ups are like a grieving process and you need to go through every stage to make yourself stronger again. Your happiness needs to come from you- like self soothing- not a man. Treat yourself kindly- these men showed you you are strong enough to deal with them. Give yourself time to love yourself again and the rest will follow

only kinda - that's so kind, thanks.

Sending you OP. Its so easy to blame yourself but its not your fault. These men are to blame.
As the others have said, focus on yourself for a long time and think about warning signs you can avoid in future.
I find it hard to trust men as I've been with so many liars in the past.

I hear you OP. I just don't trust men anymore. Every damn one has cheated on me.

Thanks crappyday, I think I'm trying to figure out what I've done wrong as that's the only thing I can control and make sure I don't do it again.

Perhaps I've just been unlucky and need to just accept that it is what it is.

I'm in no rush to 'move on' and am more than happy on my own - need to focus on this and stop worrying about what might happen in the distant future - perhaps a bit of mindfulness would help?

I'm actually getting some counselling at the moment (lucky enough to get it free through work) to try to help me focus on myself, and not think that putting up with sh*t relationships is better than being alone.
Might be worth trying? Not tried mindfulness but many people swear by it.