It's a lonely life sometimes...

[Mercure]

I'm on marriage number 3 now and freely admit that I stay only because I love my home and my pets! DH went away for last weekend, returning last night and within 10 minutes of being back in the house he answered my innocent question about the fastener on an outside parasol with a sneer and a shouted response, rolling eyeballs etc! I just shrug and walk away inside the house. I've been doing this for the past 20 years now - living in the land of 'tuts' and rolling eyeballs. He admitted he knows he is nasty to me, his attitude having caused me to walk out many times, spending nights with friends or in hotels.

He did attempt to remedy his attitude towards me a few years ago after one of my ‘exits’ - and it lasted 2 weeks. Life was fantastic because when he’s pleasant, he’s really great – everyone thinks he’s a fantastic guy and so easy going and laid back. Towards the end of two weeks, he snapped. I ignored it saying to myself that it is normal for someone to do it occasionally. However, that was Mr Hyde coming back again and he has remained since that occasion.
So, if I try to talk about it, he claims I am paranoid, have 2 failed marriages behind me, kids not bothering to get into touch – it’s obviously me who is at fault and not him – “ask any of our friends they’ll tell you the same” I cannot finish a sentence without him talking over me and I feel I have lost the art of conversation because I never get any. He ‘doesn’t do small-talk’ so our communication is basically passing information between the two of us. If I don't agree totally with his opinion then I am being argumentative. It’s a very lonely life in this household! He’s currently gone away again for a couple of days helping friends move house (cos he’s a ‘good guy’ but he does nothing but complain about them behind their backs)
Who will return on Friday ? Dr Jekyll or Mr Hyde? Anyone else know this feeling and how do you cope?

Is cope by leaving..

All the nice houses and pets in the world wouldn't make me mortgage my happiness.

I'd be gone so I'd have no idea who was returning.
Life is way to friggin' short for this shit!
Why are you living this half life?
You could be so much happier by now.
I'm not surprised your DC don't contact you.
They probably see you putting up with this abusive asshole and can't bear it.

Why can't you be happy on your own?
You've already said you are lonely and you are with someone.
Surely being single and happy is better than this?
I'll never in all my days, understand why women put up with this shite.
We do NOT need a man to complete us.
We do NOT need a man to live a good life.
We do NOT need a man to live a happy life.
WTF is wrong with people?
You are doing this to yourself!
Time to stop putting yourself through this.
Time for YOU! and YOU alone!

hellsbellsmelons, yes, i accept that because I suppose I have security here. I have a good hardworking husband who does repairs around the house, I have control over the finances to keep things ticking over so no money worries, he doesn't play around with other women or gamble / drink heavily. The problem is that he is a lousy partner / companion but am I being unreasonable to want both? Much of the time, I think that yes, I do ask too much from life.

Sorry to be so blunt but you've made a mockery of actual marriage vows.

Married 3 times .... really ( cringe )

Your post screams how much you fear being lonely by how you just put up with/tolerate bad behaviour.

Unfortunately this unhappiness is what happens when you can't be happy in your own company - thus making poor decisions & then being stuck dealing with the consequences.

Putting up with abuse and sleeping with a man for financial gain.

I couldn't do it and certainly wouldn't be proud of it. I'd look at all the material bullshit in my life and realise that the nice car has cost years of abuse. The nice house has cost years of misery. Etc
All of the stuff, no matter it's cost, is worthless when looked at like that.

Very factually you state that you are on marriage number 3 & you only stay because you love your house & your pets .... what about your husband .... shouldn't you love him?

OP you've brought all this misery on yourself to be fair, I genuinely do feel sorry for you people that can't be on your own as I would absolutely detest to be stuck in your position.

The cars, the house, it doesn't mean shit if you are miserable.

Better off alone you are indeed, But unfortunately people with traits such as yourself will sadly never realise this.

YANBU to want both.
That is what a relationship is meant to be.
There are handy men out there that can do jobs around the house.
Would you have money worries if you separated?
Do you work?

"YANBU to want both.
That is what a relationship is meant to be.
There are handy men out there that can do jobs around the house.
Would you have money worries if you separated?
Do you work?"

No, I am retired and a pensioner so I don't work. Fairyflapss, you are 100% correct in all remarks. Yes, I SHOULD love my husband but his attitude and nastiness has caused that to shrivel away. Don't get me wrong, my feelings are there for Mr Hyde, but Dr Jekyll's constant appearances means that shows of affection from were taken as my weakness and hence more power to him!
Yes, it is my fault from day 1. In the early days he had a strong inferiority complex about everything and I constantly boosted his ego for several years, telling him of course he could do things and being positive! He bloomed (according to friends around that period). Then he started to disagree with everything I said and did - maybe I went too far? Now, he will take the side of anyone who disagrees with me.

To the person who said marriage no 3- you’ve made a mockery of marriage vows.

I think that’s really uncalled for, you don’t know the circumstances of the other 2 marriages. We are all busy on here telling women in horrid situations to LTB, chanc s are many will end up remarried again, be it for security or whatever

Yanbu to want a loving kind partner. They are out there...

The loneliest I’ve ever been was when I was married to dh #2. I spent 19 years living in my own and never once did I feel as lonely as I did when I lived with him.

You do realise that you could have a move house and pets without the eye rolling and sneering - simply leave him. Divorce, take wjat you are entitled to and downsize your home and make a happy home for you and your pets

fairyflapss

Married 3 times .... really ( cringe )

Judgemental .... really ( cringe )

He is abusing you. You are in an abusive relationship.

Do the Freedom Programme - online if you must but much better to go along to a group.

You won't get anyone on here agreeing how hard it is by helping you to stay. I get it that you're a pensioner and security issues are acute at your age (I'm not far off) but you'd be so much better in a lovely secure place of your own with no-one pecking away at you until you're bald.

You seem to think he's got a point - he so hasn't. He's a nasty little bully. I think you may be surprised at how many people know this about him despite the charming exterior.

Do the Freedom Programme - please! Then make plans for your lovely life free of nastiness and sneering.

And take no notice of the bullying posters mushrooming on your thread like a fungus.