Finally told MIL what I think of her

[JuJu2017]

After years of feeling like my DH’s family think I’m some kind of maid for my DH’s family (MIL only ever speaks to me when they want something from me/when I’m doing something for them. any other time it’s just all about her and I’m just expected to sit and listen and nod along. If I speak and she doesn’t want to listen, she’ll talk over me etc, completely ignore me ...), I finally had it out with my MIL yesterday. Previously it’s always been through my husband but yesterday I had enough. When MIL had a go at me for not thinking of her by not tagging her in a pic on fb (!!!!!) I snapped and clearly reminded her of all the times she hasn’t thought of me. At first I felt amazing but now I think I may Have I just caused world war three. Will this be good for us all in the end? Has anyone had it out with their MIL and had a good outcome?

The problem now is no one is talking and she’s slagging me off to everyone. My son had his first day at school and she sidnt phone him to ask him how it went. When he messaged to tell her why she said she feels like she can’t have anything to do with them because of me? It’d absolutely ridiculous. I’d never stop her seeing her grandchildren, no matter what she’s like with me. Dh isn’t having any of it but his family are lapping it, even though the argument about her not seeing the kids has been waging between her and Dh for months with no involvement from me. I don’t think the kids will miss her so I’m not bothered really but I hate the thought of it being put on me!

When Dh messaged her sorry, not my son.

She has cut off her nose to spite her face. Such people never apologise nor accept any responsibility for their actions and no doubt you will at some stage see the "flying monkeys" i.e. well meaning but easily manipulated and thus easily fooled relatives sent into do his mother's bidding for her.

You likely come from a nice and importantly emotionally healthy family unit. Clearly your DH has not been so lucky. The "normal" rules however concerning familial relations go out the window when it comes to dysfunctional families, they really do so they cannot be applied.

It will also do your children no favours at all to see you as their mother being so disrespected by their nan. Protect them from such malign influences in any case, why should they be subjected to such emotional manipulations?. You've also stated that the kids would not miss her either and that is telling too. You would also have not tolerated one bit of what she has done here from a friend either, his mother is no different.

He may want to continue to have a relationship with her but that does not mean that you or your kids for that matter have to do so.

Repeat to yourself: "I cannot make other people think a certain way about me".

People listening to her won't just be judging you. They won't let her see it, but they'll also be judging her.

Have you deleted the exchange on FB yet? It doesn't make either of you look good, washing your dirty linen in public. Next time, say what you think to her face.

They who lap it up may have her; more fool them.

It looks like she is using the black and white thinking of “all or nothing”. Go with nothing...every single time.

Concentrate on your own family unit. The wider, extended family is just not that important. They are the white (we’ll, perhaps not so white) background noise. Don’t listen to it.

Best of luck! My MIL has been so over the top at times in my marriage that I wonder what type of DIL did she expect to get because obviously I wasn’t up to her standards! I have a great husband but one of the deepest problems we’ve had is his family and my perception that he doesn’t have my back. My late FIL could tell her to back off but since he passed away unexpectedly several years ago no such luck. We’ve just moved and it’s a plane trip away vs a six hour drive so I’m definitely seeing her less in the future.