am i overreacting?

[Sunflower135]

I have been with boyfriend for 18 months (im 23 and he's 25), we don't live together.
Recently we have gone through a major rough patch, constant arguments, lack of communication, not seeing each other etc.
we used to see eachother 4/5 times a week, he would always want to see me, regardless of what we were doing. im lucky if i see him 2 times a week now. I am a school teacher but don't go back to work till next monday, he works full time and is also currently doing his driving lessons so i know he can be tired and he is busy but last week we spoke and, we both agreed we wanted this to work and we would give 100% effort to get things back on track.

we didn't see eachother for a week and then i saw him on saturday, when he decided he was ready, sunday he didnt want to go out so we didn't see each other and we didn't see each other today.
I suggested we make plans for tomorrow which he replied saying he didn't want to because had a tv on that he wanted to watch. Im not a fan of this show but said i would be happy to come and watch it with him just so we could spend some time together but he said no, he wanted to watch it by himself.
given the circumstances, do i have the right to feel hurt over this? i really felt like we were getting somewhere but now i don't know what to think. I did express how i felt but he said i was over thinking everything, im pushing him away and im not allowing him to do what he wants even though it seems everything is on his terms?
we havent seen eachother a lot lately so should i take this as a sign that hes just not interested anymore and i should give up or am i over reacting ? if everything was fine between us it wouldn't be a problem but knowing we said we would make the effort, which i have but i've been completely shut down. how should i handle this?this isn't the first time something like this has happened and although i understand every individual needs their own time, i just feel like theres no effort on his behalf. any advice would be greatly appreciated! TIA

No you're not overreacting. I would feel the same personally - especially given you used to spend more time together.

I think he's not being honest about what he wants from the relationship and implying you're being too clingy or over sensitive is totally unfair.

If you have different expectations about reasonable time spent together, then you need to both put your cards on the table. See if you can compromise or if it's a deal breaker.

Your desires might not match his, but they are not "pushing him away" - he's responsible for his own actions and reactions, and he ought to be honest and fair to you.

No you are not overreacting. When someone tells you you are overthinking things, they are disregarding your feelings. Your feelings matter. If he does not think your feelings matter than he’s not the right guy for you. You say you have constant arguments and lack of communication. What is the arguing about? If you stay with him you’ll get more of the same. People don’t miraculously change. If you don’t want that then end it and find someone who wants to see you and cares about your feelings.

No you're not overreacting. I would be upset too. I think this guy undervalues you, and if he's doing that at this stage then he'll do it more and more in the future. You deserve better :-)

18 months can be one of those milestones. The honeymoon period is fading and familiarity makes people relax enough to be more themselves.

If your relationship was heading towards moving in together or marriage you wouldn't want more space. It would be odd sharing a living space with someone who actually wants to see less of you!

As pp say you are entitled to your feelings and him wanting you to shut up and stop questioning him is another sign that he's not a keeper.

Sorry but this looks like the beginning of the end from where I'm sitting.

I agree with the others I don’t think you are overreacting at all.

Unfortunately from an outsiders point of view it simply sounds like he doesn’t want to spend time with you.

How’s your behaviour towards him? You have mentioned you have talked to him about this but do you feel you have gone too heavy and he is just withdrawing from it as a response?

The only advice I can offer is either leave him to it and see how it goes, or sit down and have a talk with him about how HE is feeling, rather than how you are feeling, and see if that provides more clarity.

I really disagree with the last post from babygoose. Specifically about worrying about how ‘HE’ is feeling. Women have historically been raised to defer to men and run their lives based on how a man is feeling at any given time. It’s really important that as a young woman you realise your self worth and that YOUR feelings matter and to listen to your gut feeling. If you don’t you’ll end up in 10 or 20 years time thinking..fucking hell, I’ve given him everything, always put him first, and I’ve wasted all these years pleasing him and I’m so unhappy. Learn this now, find a good generous and loving man and live a happier life.

He's just not that into you.
Harsh, but this is the reality.
You decide if you want to be ignored, have your feeling trounced and NOT be his priority. Or decide life is too short for this shit and end it and get out there and enjoy this time of your life!

You're not overreacting but you ARE wasting your precious time. This is not a relationship worth fighting for. It's over and the sooner you accept that the better. It's time to move on to much better things.

I agree with the previous posters I'm afraid. I'd cool it off with him/end it

Make yourself unavailable and stop chasing him. It sounds like he wants to cool things off tbh so get socialising with people who do want to spend time with you.

It sounds like he's no longer into you. I had a long term relationship at your age and at 18 months we were still besotted with each other and wanting to spend our time together.

I'd start doing your own thing and leave him be. You're young and with no responsibilities - enjoy this time :)

He’s slowly dumping you, sorry

I don't know, it could be either way. I have been with my DP 3 years, don't live together yet, we happily see each other one evening in the week and then usually both days on the weekend, unless something is up.

This works really well for us, I personally enjoy my own time to myself and so does he as we have individual hobbies and interests. Could it be possible he just wants to do his own thing and relax a bit?

Otherwise, it does seem like he's losing interest :(