How do I get him back?

[HeartbrokenHeart]

I've come here for advice from lots of people. I'm 18 and my boyfriend (of 4 years) is going off to uni and I'm about to start my 1st year at a different uni.
He broke up with me because of distance but I really want him back and I know we still like eachother, it is just the distance that is the issue. I really want to text him but I know I shouldn't. Can I have some advice please I feel very upset.

You poor thing. Your best bet is to accept that you are hurting and to embrace the new exciting life you have ahead of you. Good luck on your new course.

It's hard; but you are about to embark on the most exciting time!
Concentrate on getting your stuff together for uni, you'll meet so many people and have so many opportunities!

OP, I was in your position once. My first boyfriend broke up with me after his first year at uni (I was about to start my gap year). It took me six months to start feeling better again, and that was only because I met someone else I liked. But for a good few years after we broke up I thought he was the one and we'd find our way back to each other eventually.

Needless to say, he wasn't the one. I met the one when I was 25 and I'm very glad that I had a few different boyfriends and flings when I was young.

I know it feels like the end of the world right now, but honestly, when you start uni you will be glad not to be tied down in a long distance relationship.

He has done you a favour.

Don't waste your uni years by having a boyfriend.

Very few relationships survive into uni - go unencumbered , he has chosen to do so already.

No, shag all the hot boys.

Keep yourself safe, don't walk home alone or take unnecessary risks and protect yourself against pregnancy and STIs, but as long as you've got those basics, just have some fun. You will never be this young, free, beautiful and surrounded by hot boys ever again.

Now I'm old and boring and married I wish I'd let my hair down and shagged around a bit more.

Hey there @HeartbrokenHeart. I'm so sorry this has happened-it sounds like you miss him very much.

My advice would be don't text him, delete his number, delete him from social media etc...contacting him or being reminded of him will just make you feel bad. In the meantime you should go to your uni, make new friends, throw yourself into loads of activities - it is so hard when you want and miss him, but you need to enjoy your time and all the exciting opportunities uni brings. Take each day as it comes and make a conscious choice to make your life about you and not about him-create some fantastic new memories. You will feel better each and every day that you do this.

I know it's hard to hear, but things are better this way-long distance relationships are hard and involve quite a bit of planning and sacrifices...both people need to be committed if they are to work out, and it's clear that he isn't committed right now. It is not you, just circumstances, but unfortunately sometimes that is the way things are. If you two are meant to be, you will find each other again.

I was in your shoes 10 years ago-I absolutely adored my bf, we tried to make things work at uni but it didn't work out. I was absolutely heartbroken and missed out on loads of activities and fab nights out and doing really well on my course because I was pining for him...don't be me!!! Looking back, he was a nice lad but not the one for me as he made that choice to break up with me. Since then I've had a lovely life and met and married my husband whom I adore even more, things do improve and I wouldn't change anything now, looking back. Wishing you all the best.

I second that!

Thank-you for the replies and @pompomcat your reply was extra helpful. We were together so long for my age and I do miss him a lot. . I do believe if we’re meant to be together we will end up together. It is just so hard at the moment.

OP 😞

When I was 19 I was engaged to a guy I loved very much. We’d dated for about 2 years and rented a place together for 6 months! It didn’t work out and I mourned for months, properly love sick, couldn’t eat or sleep and jumped every time my phone buzzed. It felt like I couldn’t go on 😭

I’m 25 now and about to marry the man who is PERFECT for me. I actually ended up being friends with my teenage ex after we both recovered although we lost contact shortly before I met my DP.

He and I would NEVER have worked out and whilst we were friends that was very obvious. At 19 I loved him intensely but at 25 I’d cross the street to avoid that guy and the type of life he offered.

It sucks right now but I promise it’ll get sooo much better xx

@MeteorGarden thank-you for your reply, these personal experiences are making me feel a lot better about the situation.

It’s really hard, especially when you’re younger as time
Is relative and the first cut is the deepest. BUT I was in your position once and I look back and I’m so happy that I was free during university. You’ll have so many experiences. Shag The hot boys (as per PP), party, study hard, enjoy your independence. You’ve got years before you need to settle down! Live your life!

I met my ex husband when I was sixteen, I knew even at that age it would have been better to meet him when I was at least in my twenties. The problem I see is you become reliant on the other person. It’s very hard if you break up in later years because you haven’t experienced being an adult on your own. I tell my teenage relatives to not think of their teenage boyfriends as the one.

I don’t think your boyfriend broke up with you because of distance. He wants to date other girls and make new friends. He wants to experience being a single young man, not tied down with the same girlfriend he has had since he was a child. At least he has done the right thing breaking up with you, not sneaking around behind your back. I hope you have the time of your life OP at university and not waste your time their brooding over your ex teenage boyfriend.

*there not their

I know you're hurting, but going away to uni now is the perfect way to distract yourself and heal. You'll be busy settling in. Make new friends, join clubs and societies that interest you, throw yourself into your course and all these opportunities.

If it was meant to be it will sort itself out. But try and look forward not backwards. And don't text when you have drunk and a bit homesick moments!

When I was seventeen my boyfriend and love of my life went off to uni. He'd been saying for ages that we would break up when that happened, because distance/new experiences/sensible thing to do , etc. I was preparing myself to be heartbroken. But then when its came to it, he asked if we could stay together despite him leaving and all the reasons, because he couldn't bear to break up with me. I was ECSTATIC.

I waved him off to uni and spent the first term so miserable. The calls and emails tailed off, he was vague and snappy when we did speak, I died slowly of jealousy and rejection and sadness, and just before he came back for Christmas he told me he'd met someone at uni and she was his girlfriend now.

I was heartbroken. I really wish we had split up when he went, and at least we would have had a proper goodbye and ended kindly, and I wouldn't have had to spend three months being slowly and agonisingly dumped while my boyfriend made out with hot freshers.

If he really is The One, OP, then you guys can take three years out for uni and reconnect afterwards. You can grow, he can grow, and then you can run into each other in your hometown one Christmas and see if the spark is still there.