Hello
Thanks for reading, and apologies in advance if I go on.
I have a very difficult relationship with my partner. I have an 18 year old son and together we have a 14 month old daughter. He has a 6 year old son from a previous relationship.
It’s been a very difficult period. I became pregnant in 2016 and although my partner initially was was very angry and unhappy, he eventually came around to the idea.
I moved in with him. Because I was on probation at my new job, news of my pregnancy had travelled to the directors who consequently “let me go”. (I won the tribunal FYI but that’s for another time!)
With only statutory MAT pay coming in, I had little to contribute (despite him earning 40k a year) and was constantly reminded of this day in, day out.
After our daughter and as born, the pressure obviously became too much, and despite me trying to keep him happy the arguments were daily and brutal. When DD was 4 months old, my parents came to collect us as it was clear he didn’t want us there. I had a really terrible time, emotionally and financially. To say I was going through the worst period of my life was an understatement. I had gone from being happy and self reliant, to an unemployed mother of 2 and had to rely on my parents at the age of 37 fo help and support.
After months of trying to slowly work through our problems, he begged us to come back. I refused to do so. I love him, but I couldn’t bear the thought that I’d be financially reliant upon him and kept thinking it was only a matter of time before things would be like they were before. For the last couple of months I’ve been spending weekends there and looking after his son while he has been at work and tried to make an effort.
I successfully applied for a part time job and my daughters father again asked us to come back. I agreed. We still bickered like everyone else but I felt we were headed in the right direction and with me going back to work, I would have my independence and contribute to the household.
During this whole period, his son has become very protective of his father and ignores most things I ask him to do. He has no manners, so I constantly find myself reminding him, as I did with my son and I will do with my daughter. He has heard a lot of derogatory things about me in the past from his father, some of which has been repeated back to me. I have always had a good relationship with his son, obviously he must have been hurt when his father threw us out, but I’ve always maintained contact with him so he’s never been out of my life.
Everything came to a head this weekend. I went over there on Saturday afternoon. His son asked his dad if I was staying, and was disappointed to discover I was as he wanted to sleep with daddy.
I said at this point, he can go to his bed, he is sharing a room with his sister so he has nothing to worry about, but it fell on deaf ears. It ended up where he slept with daddy and I slept on the sofa. I let it go at that moment, to save a row. I looked after his son as promised while he was at work the following morning, then when he returned I stated I was going home. He wasn’t particularly bothered and said if I went home, I wouldn’t be welcomed back. I explained I was really upset at being constantly undermined, I said I felt like a babysitter, it happens most weeks, there’s a huge lack of intimacy in our relationship which has been raised before, but it feels pointless. He now says he wants nothing to do with me. I know that when I call the CMS to begin a claim for our daughter that will be the end of it permanently.
I feel like now I overreacted, but I do genuinely feel like if we’re supposed to be really trying again and bringing our daughter up on a stable environment, surely we should be able to talk or I should be listened to? I’m good enough for childcare but my opinion counts for very little.