Miscommunication on WhatsApp...did I do something wrong?

[Loncan]

I’m new to this site, but I’m so upset about something that happened yesterday and would love some impartial feedback. I’m sorry for the length of this post, but I’m trying not to drip feed.

I’ve been dating a man for a couple of weeks, things were going well and his words and actions led me to believe he really liked me. We get on ridiculously well, and have similar interests and goals. We’re both in our 30s, if that’s helpful.

On Saturday night we were in the middle of a conversation on Whatsapp, when it suddenly appeared that I was blocked. I figured he was on the underground or something and left it alone. Sunday morning I sent a message to confirm some plans we had for next week for my birthday (I needed to make reservations) and again it looked like I was blocked (messages not going through, parts of profile missing).

It remained like that all day so in the afternoon I messaged him on instagram and just mentioned that it looked like I was blocked on What’sApp. I know he read the message, but he never responded so of course I assumed he had blocked me on purpose. I sent another message saying I would respect that and not contact him again, but would appreciate it if he could at least let me know what I did wrong, because I was really confused.

Late in the evening I finally heard back from him on WhatsApp, which was apparently working again. He said he hadn’t blocked me and asked if I was okay. He then immediately went offline before I could respond. I sent a few messages saying I was better now that I wasn’t wondering what I did wrong, and explaining what was happening from my end on the app. I also apologized for thinking he had blocked me (but honestly, nothing else made sense).

He ignored my messages for 3 hours, and when he finally responded he was angry because I had messaged him “too much”. Honestly, there were about 5 messages, but they were all short. Just breaking up thoughts, instead of sending one long message. He messages the same way. And now he wants nothing to do with me.

I’m really hurt. I really like him, and I don’t really understand what I did wrong. He started a conversation with me and asked me specifically if I was okay, but then seemed to be so annoyed that I responded to the conversation he initiated. Was I just supposed to ignore him? I feel like he set me up for failure. Was this just a cowards way out of telling me he didn’t want to see me again? Was I really out of line? I’m so confused. Thanks for any insight.

It really does sound like he's married/got a girlfriend/met somebody he likes better. I'm sorry, that must hurt.

I'd just cut him out now yourself. You don't want to be with somebody who is capable of being angry because you sent a few messages while he was offline, even if he is totally single.

I think if someone is the right person for you this wouldn’t have been an issue, but if you’ve had problems with over-messaging before, could you think about ways to manage this? It’s annoying, and very immature when people get moody about this, but the early weeks are a bit weird while you’re getting to know each other and things can be misinterpreted. I hate the idea of having to be ‘cool’ but I think it can be helpful initially. I know I’ve been put off by this kind of thing, so always try to bear that in mind.
Don’t give yourself a hard time, just use it as a learning for the next, much nicer guy.

Have you checked him out on Facebook op? I recommend you do this . You sound as if you’re fully blaming yourself , he sounds like a right prick . Given that your still in the early stages surely he would be glad to hear from you not telling you off. Who on earth does he think he is ? I’m outraged on your behalf!

During the time I was on POF and Tinder (thank God I'm not anymore) I met some interesting blokes wankers, all of them

There were the blokes who just suddenly stop messaging for no reason. Ghosties.

There were the ones who were downright abusive and rude. They got both barrels from me.

The ones who stand you up for a date and then message you months later with a random dick pic, out of the blue. No explanation or apology.

The guys who message far too much, too quickly.

The bloke who are all gushy and over the top with compliments.

The guy who messaged me "Are you a little toe? Because I'd band you on the table" Not sure what kind of response he hoped to elicit with that...

Some guys are just complete dickbags. Accept this and move on. I bet he'll message you again in a few months when he's gotten bored of his latest 'conquest', all apologetic and then do the same thing again because he's an utter wanker.

There is hope though OP. I met my OH on PoF and he's a darling. We have a baby together now and own a house together too. You just have to sift through the shit.

Sorry you've been treated this way. It feels shit but trust me, he's done you a favour. Go make a brew and watch some SATC. Always made me feel better

Bellendejour
Thanks for your response. I received a lot of therapy to work on this, and I think on the whole I’m pretty normal with regards to messaging now.

I mentioned upthread that I’ve waited many hours/overnights for responses without any issues. I don’t even message that much first unless I’m confirming a date or something. I understand that he has his own life and he owes me nothing. I have no problem waiting for communication.

What I did have a problem with I guess, is thinking I’d been blocked for no reason, and then the cold way he began a conversation with me, only to ignore me immediately. If he had waited literally 60 seconds for me to respond, I think it would have been solved then and there, and there wouldn’t have been any other messages at all.

Going forward, I’ll defintiely keep your advice on mind.

KlutzyDraconequus

That makes a lot of sense. If the roles had been reversed and he had reached out to me and said “hey I think I’m blocked on What’sApp”, my initial response would have been “sorry, I definitely didn’t, let me look into that when I have chance”. And I wouldn’t start a conversation with someone, and then ignore them for hours, then be mad that they actually responsed. I think I’d be relieved that he was still talking to me after leaving him to think he’d been blocked all day. I think if he actually liked me as much as he pretended, he would have handled it much differently.

I think if he actually liked me as much as he pretended, he would have handled it much differently.

Exactly.
If a date had messaged me what you'd messaged, I'd apologise and find out why her messages weren't getting through.

Agreed @KlutzyDraconequus

It's hard but don't give him another seconds thought OP! You deserve better

You're wasting far too much time and energy analysing this idiot's behaviour.
You know all you need to know. He is a game-playing jackass!
Move on!

He definitely blocked you intentionally, for unknowable reasons, then when you called him out on it he unblocked you to pretend he hadn’t. He’s then come at you with faux outrage so that he can make it your fault that he’s stopped talking to you.

Long story short, he’s a knob. Forget him.

Check him out on Facebook?
It's because of this weird ass stalkerish advice that I am locked down on SM and have fake profiles. It's why I have two numbers.

At the end of the day, for whatever reason, he didn't want to talk at the time. People don't have to be contactable 24/7. If they want to ignore messages, block etc this should be their choice. They will have their reasons and after a couple of weeks of knowing someone, I wouldn't give anyone an explanation.

I don't really understand why you were so upset about the "are you ok" message and the fact he went offline straightaway. Isn't WhatsApp just like sending a text? I never expect an instant reply and I send messages to people and then get on with something else.

Besides all that he doesn't sound like a keeper anyway....

Temporaryanonymity
I think if he had sent only one message asking only if I was okay I wouldn’t have cared so much, but we were actively conversing when he sent that, so to me the immediate ignoring felt calculated. I understand that something may have come up right him to take him away, but in the moment it felt very purposeful. I was more upset about how angry he got about me responding to his question at all.

Thanks everyone for the responses. We no longer have any way to contact each other so that’s that. If this happens again in the future, I’ll just let it be, instead of asking for answers. I really appreciate all of the perspectives.

Don't feel too bad.
Those little ticks on WA can play with your mind (from experience)...

I think he’s a dick and you’re well rid.

But - getting lots of messages in response to one question can feel like an onslaught though as I know a man who does this. I asked him a question last week and got about 5 back and I didn’t like it, like my boundaries had been breeched almost.

I have sympathy though as I’m a reformed over-messanger as I used to do it too. It took this man to make me realise how it feels from the other side. Now I am careful to never double messsge unless something specific comes up, and in conversations try not to have more than two speech bubbles in a row regardless of how much I want to talk. This makes me think more about what I want to say and it has helped

Randomly blocking and unblocking someone he has just started dating and then getting 'angry' at you sounds like he's manufacturing a scenario to ghost or break up. Block him for real!

if he could at least let me know what I did wrong, because I was really confused.

I sent a few messages saying I was better now that I wasn’t wondering what I did wrong

I also apologized for thinking he had blocked me

I don’t really understand what I did wrong.

Was I really out of line?

Bloody hell woman. Ovary up. You are allowed space in the world, you are allowed needs, you are allowed to be a person. Stop apologising and assuming shit is because you're wrong. He acted like a dick. Repeat after me, "I'm awesome and any man who gets to spend time with me is very lucky".

OP I've been out with a lot of men, I've dumped and been dumped myself. As soon as someone starts this kind of shit out of thin air - they're trying to grab a hold or control this situation. He wants to disappear on you or he wants you to apologise, fall into line and pander (for what? His blocking finger?)

You aren't going to get a positive mutual relationship out of this guy. He's playing around. It's not something you did, it's who he actually is. Block and say a blessing for getting out of this and dodging a bullet

He sounds unpleasant. Avoid.