Marriage counselling... any good?

[bigfishlittlefishtupperwarebox]

My DH and I are having problems. He spent most of last week in a hotel as he needed space. I feel he only came home as my DSS was here for the weekend really. The spark seems to have gone and after lots of long conversations we have thought about counselling to see where we go from here.

I don't want him to go, partly because I married him for a reason, and partly because I'm scared shitless of being a single parent to our 2yo DD. And how do I cope financially.

Has anyone any experience of marriage counselling? What happens? Did it work for you?

'I don't want him to go, partly because I married him for a reason'

Did you find it hard to say:

'I don't want him to go because I love him'

We do love each other, I just don't think we're in love any more. I think we should try and see if we can get it back though. Life with a toddler isn't the easiest time when our shared interests were out of the house.

I did it it I think the horse had already bolted with us.We went to a fair amount of sessions but we still decided to separate, I think once you fall out of love that's it imho

Counselling is as good as 1) the counsellor and 2) each of your approaches to counselling.

It’s been really helpful in my/our case.

First time for me to post (!). However, very pertinent topic for me. My husband left after a fairly crap two years, back in July. I went to see someone at Relate last week to help me as I was obsessing over him, whether we could make it work again, etc. I went alone. I came out feeling massively better but the waiting list for ongoing apts now is awful! That’s why I have joined MN for some sanity from other women going through same thing. To answer your Q - I’d say give it a try and see. At least then you know you have done everything you can. I am sure I have left it too late But I need someone to help me through the mind games that my ex is playing with me.

Thanks @Bestlife18 We don't have a relate locally, so he's getting in touch with a company he has found on the internet today. Will see tonight what they have said! I'm glad to hear they're helping you.

He's said today that he thinks he's maybe depressed again (has had it before but not while with me) so I'm really unsure how to handle all of this now!

OP I think we may be married to the same man!! I have spent hours trawling self help stuff about mid life crises, male depression, irritable male syndrome. I think if I could only get my husband along it might help him. Maybe suggest you go for a session or two together and then let him see someone on his own?? Is so hard because if they don’t want to accept there is an issue there isn’t much you can do. Mine has now blocked me on his phone I discovered today. How I am supposed to communicate about our son, who knows?!

Go google John Gottman and Dr Willard Harley. They are both Authors and each have their own websites.

www.gottman.com/about/research/

www.marriagebuilders.com/index.html

I'd start there and see if you can find a Gottman Therapist in the UK, I would.

I will certainly have a look for myself! Couldn’t believe the waiting list was so long for Relate! Thanks!