Hi
Have been through a traumatic divorce, and though we haven’t got the absolute yet (nisi being pronounced today!!), ex moved out in April, after 9 or 10 awful months of living in the same house.
I still feel terrible in many ways though, and it isn’t helped by the fact that my ex and I are not on good terms at all (he was horrible during the divorce, and continues to be awful when anything to do with money comes up), and he is in the house for half of every Saturday to be with the dc - long story.
Too much to go into here, but basically, at 49 I kind of feel done for. I have 3 secondary school aged kids who are with me all the time, and I deal with everything. One of my dc has OCD which really impacts her school attendance. Another is going through a difficult phase, and while being needy, can also be extremely stubborn and rude.
I have just started a maternity cover job and am now out of the house for about 10.5 hours a day (I know that’s normal), then come home to find that no one has put anything away and that they are all languishing on their devices.
One of our guinea pigs had to be put down yesterday 
, and ex, though asked to by dd, did nothing to help.
I just feel that any semblance of a life where I might be able to get into another relationship is over. I am now at the stage where if there is a free seat on the tube, considerate younger men ask me if I want it before going to sit there themselves (twice in the last week).
My life feels completely practical and utilitarian, completely beset by responsibilities only, and I wonder who the fuck is going to want me now.
And when I think how many years I remained in my affectionless marriage, to only be followed by more of the same afterwards, it makes me feel sad.
Ex, on the other hand, got together with someone (I don’t know if they are still together) extremely quickly and while we were in the same house - extremely quickly and obviously bastard.
And despite the fact that my reasons for divorcing ex were more than valid, and that he was emotionally abusive, he is the one that I would still want - I look around and fancy no one.
It all feels like a mess, and I feel as if my life is kind of over. I know I am lucky in many ways, but is the rest of my life really going to be a long practical plod, with no romance in it at all?
And now it looks as if ex may be temporarily renting a room in the house next door - hopefully not.