Am I being unrealistic leaving my husband with a 3yr old & 5 months pregnant

[cantbeatfreshsheets]

Suppose I'm after advice. Is there anyone else who has done this with similar timings.

I've come on here as I feel too ashamed to disclose the details of my relationship to friends and family.

I'm thinking about leaving my husband. Have been since our first child was born three years ago when things deteriorated.

The long and short of it is we barely ever have sex. It's not just that but I feel there is no closeness, intimacy, emotional connection of any sort. He's a bit of a cold fish really.

God I've analysed this over and over. Blaming myself been to counselling once by myself twice with him.
I'm coming to the conclusion there are no issues with me it's him.

As with most couples I expected our sex life to tail off when we had our child. Normal for lots of couples I know. However, thing is it never came back. I've told him this so many times. We recently had a holiday holiday and never had sex once and it made me realise how negative our relationship is. I feel so unloved. Transparent.

I messaged him (actual talking turns into rows so it's easier) the way him withdrawing from me makes me feel. Angry, withdrawn, lonely, vulnerable, insecure, embarrassed, frustrated, low self esteem etc etc.

His response was that 'respect is earned and not a right, and I give you more than I receive'. I know shocking right? What an arse hole.

He never wants to address things. I was close to leaving him after the last counselling and we had a wedding to go to for a weekend away. I went as a last ditch attempt to give things a go. We had sex (I initiated) and I fell pregnant. To date this year we have had sex 4 times. Unlucky right?

He has other issues. OCD. Workaholic. He does pay for. Almost everything and Is a very good father.

He often calls me lazy, unmotivated. Puts me down. We argue a lot. I stand back up to him. I don't want this affecting my child. And unborn one. Am I strong enough to leave whilst pregnant? Should I just ride it out and save some more money and wait until the baby is 1 or older?

I should also add I saw he had been using porhub on his phone today which has prompted this post. It has literally crushed me in the past that he doesn't want sex with me and he is silently wanking after bed time.

I'm not a jealous person but I'm so hurt. I think it's just the straw that broke the camels back. Sick of there being an atmosphere. Walking on eggshells. Everything depends on his moods. So much more negative than positive.

I see no future with a sexless marriage. I want my kids to see a happy version of myself so I can be the best mother to them and it's like he brings out the worst in me. Was looking at photos the other day and the amount of negative memories attached to most of them. So sad.

We have a nice house and lifestyle but starting to wonder how important all of this is without a simple uncomplicated happiness.

I'm an attractive female with a big heart and he has made me question everything about myself. I have never felt this lonely. Certainly didn't think it was possible whilst being married.

How much longer do I stay put?

This sounds like exactly the same situation I was in with my DD’s father. After we had DD1 it was like he didn’t have to make an effort anymore as he had me trapped due to us having a child together. We split up, got back together and I fell pregnant with DD2. I knew I didn’t want to be with him anymore but I stayed. It was awful, I lasted till DD2 was 10 months then I left.

It was honestly the best decision I’ve ever made. This was 6 years ago. DD’s did still see their dad until he decided he didn’t want to see them anymore a year and a half ago. They still see his family though (who have disowned him due to abandoning DD’s) and his dad is always commenting on how happy they seem now they have NC with him and how much of a credit they are to me.

It is hard but I manage fine. I work full time too. DD’s are like my 2 best friends.

You are not being unrealistic. If you feel it would make you happier in the long run and you will be financially secure if you leave him, and can cope on your own, I would say you should leave him.

Thanks for the positive comment.

How was it with your elder one and your 10 month old alone? Presumably better than it was with your ex? Glad it worked out for you. In my head I feel like there is no good time. The longer I leave it the worse it will be. Just bad timing being pregnant.

I've been a single parent with toddler and pregnant. I knew it was the right thing to do when I realised my exH did not respect me and the relationship was not equal. I never want my children to consider a damaging relationship as the norm; one to model for themselves. He can be a good father without being your husband. If you do not feel desired, cherished, respected, that your relationship is based on affection, allegiance AND attraction then life is too short and you deserve oh so much more.
(Mine was 20years ago, I had no family support, worked full-time, turned my back on his wealth and his unpleasantness and was much more content just me and my girls.) Whatever you decide I wish you all the best, and the strength to demand respect and equality.