I used to be the kind of person who always wanted to be alone and could spend long periods of time completely alone without a conversation with anyone. I grew up abroad as an only child, I played alone, did not have a lot of friends and we travelled all over the world due to my father’s job. When I left school I lived alone, lived alone through university and afterwards.
I met my DH and got married and had DC over the last 7 years and since this happened I become incredibly depressed and unable to function when I am in the house alone. I feel a deep sense of despair, almost like I am in a black hole or a void I can never crawl out of, and like I cannot even perform the most basic of tasks. Even if the DC are here they are very little and i feel so responsible for them that creates even more anxiety for me. I feel incredibly vulnerable now.
It’s not that I don’t like being alone, I do. I like being alone in a room of the house knowing that DH is in another room of the house. Or knowing that DH will be back in an hour or two. Or that my friend will come round at 5. But being alone, either just me or me and the DC with no known plan for when I will no longer be alone, plunges me into despair.
Does this happen to anyone else? What do you do to stop the feeling?