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Original poster

I dread the first kiss and I think I have stopped budding relationships in their tracks because of it.. anyone experienced this?!

21 replies

justakiss12 · 16/09/2018 22:10

I'm 34 and keen for a family and a husband and all that jazz. i want to find the right one though, especially after couple of not so great relationships (and a couple of good ones - hasn't been all bad).

my problem is, and always has been, that I REALLY struggle with that first kiss. and there's been times when it just hasn't happened because i give off signals i dont want to kiss (i dont!). but those who have pushed past that barrier have usually been great... and i love all kinds of the normal intimacy once that's happened!

this guy i've met 3 times. The last time we had dinner and it was a great evening, I liked him more as time went on. We had a short chat in the car before he dropped me off but he didnt kiss me - I would have if he had tried. He later told me (by text) he had wanted to.

I'm due to meet him again this week. I have a strong suspicion he will go in for the kiss but i am dreading it! to the point where i think i may even reject him... why am i so scared? i have definitely pushed dates away like this in the past but never been too fussed as obviously wasnt invested. but the thing is i do want to be invested in someone and i do want to see how things progress - im too old to be faffing around with holding back!!

anyone experienced this? would the first kiss help me suss out whether this is something i want to pursue? i get the sense that it's getting to the point again where if we don't kiss he'll start to think im not interested and back off (speaking from experience). he's not at all pushy though!!

hope this makes some sort of sense!

OP posts:
madeoficecream · 16/09/2018 22:17

Perhaps you should just tell him honestly that you are nervous?

Ive had this trouble.. have actually been drunk during every first kiss ive had with anyone including my husband!! And im not some sort of big drinker!

There was actually one boyfriend I had who had set up this whole romantic date to this nature reserve at sunset wanting it to be the first place he kissed me.... and he went in for it... and I just walked off out of terror!!
Luckily I kissed him whilst we were out a few days later (whilst a bit tipsy) and it became a funny story after he later told me what effort he had gone to to set the scene and then get rejected!

If you want to give it a go I would suggest just letting him know that you are nervous about kissing and that it doesnt mean you arent interested in him.

Original poster
justakiss12 · 16/09/2018 22:21

that made me laugh madeof !

i dont know why i get so nervous! im not at all once it's not so new, and i actually really love kissing!!

i have said i am nervous, but not specifically about the actual kiss.

i think i find it all a bit awkward when you dont know someone THAT well? but of course kissing is a way to progress that - have a bit of intimacy which is harmless.

ahhhhh im nervous.

OP posts:
Shambu · 16/09/2018 22:24

Do you actually not like kissing? Or is it just nerves about the first kiss? Not sure from your post..

Shambu · 16/09/2018 22:27

Xpost - oh ok... I think you should just tell him.

But equally if you need to know him better to feel more comfortable kissing him, that's fine.

It is a bit odd and random kissing someone you don't know well. You could just explain you need to get to know him first.

wheresthehope · 16/09/2018 22:38

Yes I was exactly the same... I hate hate hate it!!!!!

BlackEyedOwls · 16/09/2018 22:41

Do you think it's the lack of control? Maybe you should make the first move instead of waiting for him?

Original poster
justakiss12 · 16/09/2018 22:47

I don’t know, I’ve always been like it. I feel sick with nerves. I’ve been told I’m a great kisser too!

I’m just concerned that things go stale without that happening. I suddenly start looking for flaws and panicking even if initially I wanted to kiss them...

Maybe I need to just tell him I’m terrified....!

OP posts:
Original poster
justakiss12 · 17/09/2018 13:30

Ladies I’m so nervous!

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 17/09/2018 13:32

I think tot just have to tell him how you feel. Everyone is nervous before a first kiss so he’ll know where you’re coming from.

Good luck!

Original poster
justakiss12 · 17/09/2018 14:55

It’s making me not want to meet him!

OP posts:
Original poster
justakiss12 · 18/09/2018 09:16

We kissed.

It was a bit clunky and although he was passionate it could have been a bit lesser for the first time!! It’s done now though :)

OP posts:
Kewqueue · 18/09/2018 09:19

Are you mad? The first kiss is usually the best - it's all downhill from there! Grin

pizzatime3857 · 18/09/2018 09:26

I understand you OP. The first time my now DH went in for a kiss I move my head away and he nearly kissed the wall Blush. We still joke about it now. Luckily it didn't put him off though as I did explain later in a text I was just abit nervous.
I think you just have to push past your anxiety and go for it.

pizzatime3857 · 18/09/2018 09:27

Sorry just read you have had your first kiss. I often find it gets better as you get use to each other's style if that makes sense Grin

Original poster
justakiss12 · 18/09/2018 09:29

Do you think it will?! I really like him and some of the kisses were good but others a bit clunky...as if the angle wasn’t right or something!

OP posts:
YesSheCan · 18/09/2018 10:41

Understand where you're coming from. I initiated kissing my boyfriend at the end of our first date. I knew I liked him and fancied him enough to kiss him so just did it and he seemed to like it! Think if I'd waited for him to make the move I would have started getting anxious about it and building it up to be a big issue. It wasn't like me to take the lead but glad I did!

Original poster
justakiss12 · 18/09/2018 10:57

I have always hated the first kiss! Haha. How was it? I’m concerned about the clunky aspect!

OP posts:
YesSheCan · 18/09/2018 15:01

It was great! The clunkiness is probably down to nerves. Plus there will always be the occasional clunky kiss if one or both of you is just a bit clumsy and doesn't aim quite right, haha. I'd be more concerned about not having positive fuzzy feelings when kissing someone than if it wasn't the smoothest choreographed kiss ever!

VanGoghsDog · 18/09/2018 16:31

Nerves and angles - I wear glasses, if they do too, then CRASH! But, it's half the fun. And you can always say "nah, tilt your head that way, ha ha...."

:) Onwards - it will get better.

LollyPopsApple · 18/09/2018 16:32

What do you dread about it?

I kinda feel like I can dread the awkwardness, but fortunately as a woman our social norms tend to dictate that the man initiate and the woman goes with the flow (in hetero pairings). On my first date with OH we didn’t kiss, but we did on the second, and I found it insanely hot how assertive he was in leaning in and going for it, if I was a guy I’d really struggle with having the confidence to make a move so I found it extremely sexy and it was so hot. We kissed on my doorstep like teenagers for two hours!

Original poster
justakiss12 · 18/09/2018 21:11

I dread the potential awkwardness and the bit where you don’t know how they kiss and what their technique is!

The kiss was a bit clunky though I definitely loved the passion!

I cannot envisage sex AT ALL, even though I really want it! Been like this with everyone, what’s wrong with me haha

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