Wanting to be a better person for my family, please can anyone recommend self help books?

[Greystar]

I'm not sure if this is the right board but here goes, I won't go into it too much detail but I had a pretty difficult childhood, poverty, alcoholic dad, abusive 'family friend', depressed angry mother.
Because of the above I really struggle to trust and to feel at peace with what I have. On the outside I seem fine but on the inside I have this guard up and I'm worried if I don't learn to let my husband in more and reciprocate and trust his affection then I will eventually drive him away and lose everything I have tried so hard to get.
I don't want to do counselling as I'd rather not bring it all up and I don't want to spend the money on it that I could use elsewhere.
Sorry this is getting long but as the title says I'm hoping if others have been through similar and found any books of use to help let go of the past?

Sorry to hear you’ve had a tough start in life. I would recommend You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. It comes as an audiobook as well, I used to listen in the car. A great book to help you learn to be kind to yourself and let go of blame and guilt.

Thank you @Secondtimesally for replying I really appreciate it and will look that up, I enjoy audiobooks so that's handy as well

I haven't read it, but my mum who has read all the self help books found the Louise Hay book above excellent when she went through a tough time.

'The Road Less Travelled ' by M Scott Peck.

I just read an excellent book called Growing Up Again: Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children. It's specifically for people like you: adults who had bad childhoods, but want to learn how to look after themselves as adults so they can be better parents for their own children. It's a classic and written by real psychologists rather than just being a 'pop science' books. I found it so, so helpful.
best of luck OP

www.hazelden.org/OA_HTML/ibeCCtpItmDspRte.jsp?item=2888

It's s bit more low key but I loved the happiness project by Gretchen Rubin.

should also add: it's framed as a book for parents, but the exercises are relevant to anyone who has survived a difficult childhood. So even if you don't have kids, it will help you improve your understanding of yourself and your relationship with your husband.

Thank you for all the suggestions I'm going to have a look at them and read them all if need be and hope they help me to be less guarded 🤞