Perspective on this please. I have a 2.5 year old and a 5 week old baby. My DH isn’t coping well at all. He decided after the first few weeks that he couldn’t handle the sleep disruption and it was making him feel depressed - he does have a history of depression and he felt the same way when our DD was newborn. He’s since moved into the spare room, doesn’t get up at all in the night (5 week old wakes anywhere from once or twice to every hour at the moment... 2 yo rarely wakes but has been a little unsettled with new arrival) He’s very angry as he feels he has ‘lost his identity’ by not having any time to himself to do anything except go to work (he works 4 days per week) and look after our DC. I think he needs to be patient at this stage and it’s right that we share the load. He is getting very angry and often abusive - screaming at me and calling me names. Once he even spat in my face. I feel like he has no joy and sees no positives in the world around him and that I’m left to hold everything together for our children. I rarely even get a proper shower at the moment, even though DH can regularly spend over an hour in the bath. I do everything round the house and get no time to myself. I enjoy my life when he isn’t around, rarely when he is. He tells me regularly that he hates me and that I’m stupid, a horrible cow etc. He is currently in the pub while I’ve put a tantruming 2 year old to bed whilst intermittently settling the baby and praying he doesn’t wake her up.
I’m fairly new to my area and although I have some amazing friends, they all have young children of their own. I have no family nearby except MIL who isn’t very hands on. DD adores her and she’s a lovely woman but no practical help or childcare whatsoever. My own Mum died when I was young and my Dad visits once a month or so. I’m already feeling burned out having two children. I don’t have any real support at all.
I’m lonely, exhausted, sad and confused. I just want to enjoy life. I love my DC and spending time with them is a pure joy. We have so much fun when we are alone - it’s hard work but nowhere near as hard as when we are with DH too trying to anticipate his moods or do things that don’t make him angry.
I can’t work out if I’d just be better off building a life for me and them on our own. It seems like such a daunting prospect. I worry about the effect this will have on them growing up, whatever I decide. Feeling very down. Advice welcomed x