Advice: falling for friend's brother

[Shambu]

Cba to namechange.

So I'm 47 1/2 he's 50.

Their parents and mine have been friends since we were children. She has been one of my bffs since we were 10. He was around when we were growing up but he was at boarding school and I've only seen him a handful of times since we were teenagers.

We got talking at family event in the past year and have been seeing each other ever since. Just clicked. Definitely falling for each other.
He's been married once but it fell apart (she left him.)

This is the conundrum: we haven't told anyone in our families yet because if it just fizzled out there's nothing to say, and we want to be sure it's working before we make any 'announcement.'

Our families and other family friends are all close will chitchat in the most excruciating way once it's out, but we're grown ups that's ok. I'm most concerned about telling my friend. One might think she might feel pleased that her brother is with someone she gets on with, but I think she might feel like she's losing her brother to me. And that she may feel she has to look pleased and positive for us while and not feel like she can be honest with either of us.

Has anyone been in this situation? How did it work out?

My cousin did this, now married with 3 dc, gorgeous relationship and madly in love. Go for it, tell your friend first and make a big deal of doing so so she feels included. Make sure she knows nothing will change in her relationship with you.

OP - you are all grown ups. Your friend will be fine, whenever you tell her. And it’s sensible to wait till you both are sure you are serious, just like you said....

(Not relevant at all, but the ‘x and a 1/2’ - made me smile....
Even my 8yo doesn’t count half years any more....)

Just me and Adrian Mole.

Thank you for your replies. You're both very encouraging. I don't know, I have a feeling it will hit her quite hard.

I do know someone whose friend married her brother and it took her some time to come to terms with it.

I'm concerned that my friend feels like her private relationship with her brother and her family continues the same and isn't impacted by me. In reality that will be quite difficult.

I'm married to my friend's brother! It's amazing having such a close bond with my sister in law and family events always feel warmer and more fun. I did ask her if it was OK before our first date and she was very happy.
I'm a bit sad that I can't talk sex with her anymore but wouldn't want to hear about it in her position!!

My friend married my brother. I was friends with my ex's sister for years before we got together. We're still friends post breakup and I love the fact my brother is married to my lovely friend.

I didn't ask my friend because at first he and I were just friends and then I just thought it would be a fling. So there wasn't anything to declare initially and I was a bit embarrassed tbh. If I'd known if we'd end up here I would have told her at the start. She won't mind that I didn't tell her, she will understand that as she's quite private herself. But I do fear she will feel like we've budded off and left her out.

Thanks very much for the feedback, it's more positive than I was expecting.