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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you stay with someone who spoke to you like this?

7 replies

confusedfriend101013 · 16/09/2018 19:09

My friend and her boyfriend have been together a little over a year, they split and get back together every couple of months. According to my friend, he is a good boyfriend but when they argue he calls her horrible names.

She phoned me this morning and I took her to get her stuff from his house, after she left, he started texting her, the texts were horrible, he called her a fat c*t, an ugly ct, a cold hearted bitch, a rat, a crackpot, told her repeatedly to fk off and also called her a nasty little dyke and to go and lick her friends p**y (he has an obsession that she is gay as she has been with girls in the past.) Now this is a 40 year old man, not an angry teenager. She's 12 years younger than him if that matters.

The messages were so nasty, I seen them all and she was reading them out as they were coming through, she wasn't replying except once when she text back 'you are vile.' Now this morning when these texts were coming through from him she was so upset and adamant that she was finished with him, but I just drove her home there and I can already tell she is softening. She said she might go round and speak to him tomorrow and he only speaks to her like that when he's angry. I've told her in no uncertain terms though that that is not an excuse or acceptable in any way.

Would you stay wit someone who spoke to you like that when you argued?

I know she will get back with him so how do I support her moving forward?

Thanks for your time.

OP posts:
Redcliff · 16/09/2018 19:11

I did and really shouldn't had. There isn't much you can do apart from being there when it all falls apart.

LemonSqueezy0 · 16/09/2018 19:20

No fucking way. If he's saying that, and she stays, he will get worse and her threshold for it gets lower....

If she can't do it for herself, ask her to imagine him talking to their children like that, or him talking to her like that in front of her family or boss.

Its not normal, and its not harmless. She needs to fuck him off out of it.

MadamBatty · 16/09/2018 19:23

Anybody who spoke to me like that would be frozen out by me

myphoneisgone · 16/09/2018 19:23

No, that is abusive behaviour.

Sorry10 · 16/09/2018 19:33

No and tbh I would stop giving her advice that would piss me off more . Some people it's like they think they deserve to be treated like shit .
Tell her you don't want to know next time you fall out and I certainly wouldn't want to hear the disgusting txts ,

confusedfriend101013 · 16/09/2018 21:59

Thanks everyone for all of your responses. I agree and would like to think if it were myself in the same position I would leave. I know it’s much more difficult when you feel you love someone but I don’t believe someone that speaks to you in that way, no matter how angry they are, has any respect for you let alone love.

I think you’re right @sorry10, I can’t keep listening and going through this every few months but at the same time I worry that she really is leaving him for good and I’m not there to support her. Ugh it is a tough one.

Thanks all once again for your responses Smile

OP posts:
sirmione16 · 16/09/2018 22:00

He's abusive, end of story.

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