If your ex was abusive do you still have to have contact because of the children (handover)

[Scaredofex]

Anyone separated and NOT had to have any contact at all? Already NC via phone and email but dread him coming to the door.

For school-aged children, having the school pickup as the handover avoids coming to homes or contact. If you dread him coming to the door, maybe the handover should consist of you going to his place? (makes you feel more in control, even if that doesn't actually avoid contact)

Can you just send them out and stay inside? I got someone else to do handover or got his mum to pick the kids up as I couldn't bare to see him. 2.5 years later it is a lot easier and I can be pleasant for the few minutes it takes to hand them back. It will get better and I know how awful it is to see him, I still don't like to spend any time with him but I do it for my kids and hope one day they will see him for the ass hole he really is! Xx

Sadly, yes, there is no way around this, unless you have a family member or friend willing to do this for you, which is ok for a while but not indefinitely. He has court ordered contact and part of that is handing over face to face, after a long period of contact in a contact centre. I hate it, and he still plays games, but as long as the kids aren't screaming and crying at me not to go, I have to go with it. They've just started by the way saying they don't want to go, so who knows how long it will last...

You could do contact handovers in a neutral place. You can make it a condition that he doesn't come to yours if you don't want him to.

Unfortunately no one else to do drop offs and I can't collect them as don't drive and have a younger child at home who goes to bed at the time they come back. They are collected from school unless it's the holidays but brought back here. I just hate him being anywhere near me.