What neglectful things did your dm do to you as a child?

[Lovemymumnot]

Mine didn't bond with me at all. Everything was always about her, what I could do for her. I was tied to the cot as a toddler and during the day I spent hours in one of those doorway bouncer seats. She had an eating disorder which was neatly passed on to me. She never played with me, cuddled me, told me she loved me. I didn't always have the appropriate clothes to wear, like a decent coat in winter. Periods and first bras were awful, I had to go to my father. And she can't fathom why I'm NC now...

Oh and another biggie... never talked to me about periods, never provided me with a single tampon or sanitary towel. I would frequently bleed through as unfortunately toilet paper didn't work too well with my very heavy periods.

Told me repeatedly she wished I was a cot death statistic, tried to leave me places as a toddler, blamed me for every argument she had with my dad, treated me as a marriage guidance counselor ever since I can remember, exposed me some horrendous rows including the night my father almost bled to death in front of me, got jealous of me whenever my father wanted to buy/do things for me, neglected to mention periods were a thing, walked on me and my dad whilst I was at school leaving the country in the process twice (we were in Germany at the time), told me I was worthless, useless and if I weigh more than 8 stone, am revoltingly fat (I'm 5'8 and have been since I was around 12).

She would dress me inappropriately as a baby, my dad spoke of coming home from work to find me in the garden in December wearing nothing but a nappy and a tshirt.
She owned a shop during my early years which we lived above, she would run the shop all day every day and I’d be left to my own devices, often taking myself from to friends houses at 4/5yr old, to the park and to the local swimming pool down the road.
When we moved halfway across the country at 6 she met a bloke so I’d be turfed out the house and ordered not to return till teatime, i would wander all over the town and out into the countryside, often walking the railway line, I couldn’t call on friends as she hated everyone and not many were allowed to play with me as their parents didn’t want the bother of her, consequently I’d toilet outside and often have nothing to eat Or drink for the whole day, sometimes I’d go back in the evening to find she wasn’t even home.

I’d have the basic of school uniform but she’d often not wash it deliberately so I had to wear it dirty and smelly, she wouldn’t take me for haircuts and would just grab my ponytail and hack it off with scissors in a rage.

When I was 11 she went on holiday for a week and left me home alone with the dog, school found out and the police were called but no action taken(!?) I was quite happy as it was a week of no abuse!!

She was a horrible horrible Mum, I’m surprised how well I turned out considering, although I still have emotional scars and lots of anxieties about certain things/situations.

Oh god, yes, as pp said, no acknowledgement of periods, hid it from her for three years and even then would not buy santitary wear for me so used loo paper, still have period anxiety now after all the embarrassing times I bled through clothes at school. also wouldn’t buy me bras despite me having a c cup chest at 11.

Left home at 15 and have been NC for 18yrs since then

Bastard Unfortunately, my DSis married a man who conspired with my mother against her so she's had a very difficult marriage. More recently her husband and my mother have fallen out so thankfully she now doesn't have to see her weekly. I'm just worried that her husband may make up with my mum and then it starts again.

Because of the culture issue it's unheard of to cut people off. And all my sister's friends are my mother's friends. She's so isolated my younger siblings who she raised won't go and visit her as my mother has told them not to.

When she was kicked out she managed to get a degree so she's free from relying on my mother financially. It's just the sense of duty kept making her come back for more abuse. It is desperately sad, and my mother has done much worse to her. My mother should be in prison.

I couldn't read until secondary school, and she never sent me in with any lunch or lunch money. My uniform was always too small for me so I got bullied

Jeez! This is horrendous!

When on holiday my parents used to leave me and my sibling asleep in our hotel room with the door on the latch so they could sit downstairs and enjoy the hotel entertainment. We were so lucky that nothing happened!

Since poor Madeline McCann my mum swears it didn't happen but it bloody well did.

Leave us at a motorway rest stop (3 of us, all under 7) to wait for our grandparents to baby sit us when she wanted to go out. As I was young, I can’t temember if this was just once or more often, but I sure do remember being scared.

Leave us (3 of us) in a pizzeria because mother didn’t have enough cash for the pizza (take away) so got in car, drove to bank, got cash and came back. About 30 minutes left us. No, didn’t know owner. All under 7. The age gap between the three of us are 18 months (eldest to middle) then 2 years (middle to youngest).

We were also told how it was the done thing to leave us as babies - outside for an hour to get fresh air. Outside, park on the sidewalk, unattended, in a city.

Somehow I’m still here (siblings too). Got very, very lucky.

Regularly left us for an hour or so in car in shopping mall car park, window cracked.

Told me I was the wrong sex.
Tried to commit suicide multiple times.
Emotionally abused me continually throughout my childhood.
Left me notes to find on the table 2-3 times in the week (she'd go to bed at 3-4am then sleep until 2-3pm). The notes berated me for being completely useless, quote "you can't do one fucking thing right you couldn't even be a fucking girl".
Told me to call her by her first name (and signed above notes with first name) as she was not being a mother to a useless, worthless son.
My brother was the golden child, several years older, and he was "groomed" to emotionally and physically abuse me.

Meh, I'm upset now. So, so very much more.

Mine went out to work, fair play, but my Dad would pick her up every night leaving me and my sister alone in the house from the time we were babies / toddlers. Nobody gave it a second thought in the seventies. She and her husband did a lot worse, but that's the one that stands out mainly because I didn't know about it for forty years. I sometimes imagine the AIBU responses

to all here btw. It's awful.

My mother was neglectful in many ways. She was unavailable emotionally, she never kissed or cuddled us and she allowed my father to abuse us physically and emotionally. She was probably scared of him - it was in the 70s - social services input was minimal -I’m certainly not justifying it - I’m trying to process this.
🌺🌺 to everyone on this thread.

I used to be sent tot he shop on my own with a note to buy cigarettes. My mum was a SAHP and I hadn't started school yet.

Until she died she used to tell the hilarious story of when she started working I peeled too many potatoes for tea. I was about 7, I had come home from school, let myself into an empty house and started making tea as I had been told.

The worst thing was when I was about 17, I'd had a tummy ache so was off VI form, my mum went for a nap about mid day.

The pain got worse and worse. I tried walking but ended up on my knees crawling.

When she got up I told her I needed the Dr. She kept telling me to take an aspirin and go to bed. I said I couldn't get to bed and begged her to get the Dr.

My dad came home from work about 6pm and this is the only time I ever saw him go against my mother, he called the Dr.

The Dr came, the Dr called an ambulance. The ambulance crew came in and commented on my complexion because I was jaundiced.

My gallbladder was inflamed. I was in hospital for a week.

Her version was that she was such a concerned parent, it was so upsetting for her that I was admitted.

Similar, though with not as much pain, had happened when I was 10 and had appendicitis.

One year she forgot to buy me Xmas presents. My brother had moved out and was working Xmas so she bought him lots of things to make it Xmasy. But forgot me.

I’m pretty sure my mum is a full blown narcissist as well as a violent bully and I’ve accepted her totally self absorbed behaviour (and currently have stopped speaking to her) but something that really rankles me right now is she didn’t ever bother about our appearance.

We had hardly any clothes and what we did have was often hand me downs and utterly inappropriate for either age or season. So for example my older sister (spotty and overweight) got mum’s old cast offs as a teenager which were totally naff for a teenage girl as our mum often dressed old for her age. And I got my sisters old stuff which never fitted as I was a lot smaller and skinnier. We often didn’t have a proper coat either. I think one winter I had a threadbare hooded cardigan as a coat. My mum blames (still to this day) my dad for this as he didn’t buy us clothes (he and my step mum paid a decent amount of child support) and my mum had plenty of clothes and usually several coats, shoes that seemed to fit and didn’t have holes in them and all bought on credit from catalogues.

She deserved to have nice things you see. Her parents never bought her nice new things she only got secondhand apparently while her younger sister got everything new. Horribly neglectful of them

SocialPiranha

OMGodess, yes. The "My parent did X", as they do exactly the same to you.

The thing is I’m not sure my grandparents were guilty of everything my mum said they did. Some definitely, but not as bad as her bitterness would have people believe. I think a lot of it was massively embellished.

I ended up having kids with someone who is very like my mother. Interestingly, she seems to have a lot of empathy for my violent ex partner. She’s even said if I wasn’t so annoying and wanting to be right all the time he probably wouldn’t have done what he did. Because it’s totally understandable to repeatedly rape someone who’s annoyed you....