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Relationships

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Original poster

Does this sound suspicious?

47 replies

NotAnotherUserName857 · 16/09/2018 16:57

The other day I had a note posted through my door while I was out saying that DP is having an affair. I have tried not to think about it all week but was going to speak with him about it this afternoon. I took DC out early this morning, when I got back and he wasn't in, his phone was off. He's just arrived home now really drunk.

I don't know if I'm thinking in to things too much, I don't know if it's true or if he knows and he's gone out drinking because he knew it was the first time we had together all week or maybe he was with this OW?

Can anyone relate or offer any advice?

OP posts:

Musti · 16/09/2018 22:53

That's weird.

Oodilally · 16/09/2018 22:55

Ooh yes whatsapp is a good idea, think you can do that on Facebook too, if he's on social media it's worth a try

TokenGinger · 16/09/2018 22:56

A friend is telling him to keep a watch out, because your DP’s OW has a husband and he’s found out that your DP has been speaking to her.

I’d guess that the note through your door is from the husband or from whoever told the husband what’s going on.

menconfuseme · 16/09/2018 23:05

Oh god OP I'm really sorry you are going through this. I went through this before my ex left me, ignored it as I didn't feel able to face it.... he left me for OW a few months later. Herrendous time but best thing that has happened to me. You can get through this xx

Starlighter · 16/09/2018 23:06

Definitely note down the number, try it on WhatsApp and Facebook.

Take a pic of it too for evidence.

Do some digging. I’d have to know.

Original poster

NotAnotherUserName857 · 17/09/2018 17:15

I've not said anything yet, not sure how much longer I can last without questioning him!

No look with whatsapp or facebook. Although my investigating skills are not the best.

It does seem something might be going on from that message though! So confused now though.

OP posts:

cactusplant · 17/09/2018 17:25

I'd have to question him. I'd call his bluff and just say you know he's having an affair, what's he got to say for himself?

Original poster

NotAnotherUserName857 · 17/09/2018 21:41

So I did try and talk to him, he said there is a woman but it's not what I think. She's just become emotionally attached to him. He said he has done nothing but be friendly with her.

I just don't know what to believe. I feel like I'm just going to fall for everything he has to say, then it will turn out to be true.

OP posts:

surlycurly · 17/09/2018 22:00

Oh no! I would be very suspicious of anything he said. And if it's a one sided thing, why didn't he mention it? And why did he get drunk and not deal with it. I'm sorry, but I think he's a liar.

surlycurly · 17/09/2018 22:01

And poor you OP. No one deserves a bombshell like this, even if it all does come to nothing.

Oodilally · 18/09/2018 07:47

He's lying! Sorry op but his behaviour screams liar!
Instead of coming to you and dealing with it he ran to the pub because he needed to escape from whatever this is, and avoid you. Not good.
Emotional affairs are apparently a thing, could be that, but there's a risk then of a physical affair. Either way he's done something that he shouldn't have. I'd tell him to have zero contact with the ow and also find out who the mystery txter is and talk to them. If anything else happens after that I'd kick his arse out.

Oodilally · 18/09/2018 07:49

"It's not what you think"

Has he explained this?

hellsbellsmelons · 18/09/2018 09:42

My ExP said, it's not what I think.
Little did he know I was looking at all of his messages (access to his linked ipad)
It was exactly what I thought!

OK. best thing to do to initially snoop is look at the battery in settings.
There it will tell you what he is on most under battery usage. On an iphone it takes a few seconds but just scroll a bit.
So mine is;
Facebook 55%
Tinder 8%
Messenger 7%
Photos 7%
etc......

That will show you if he has been on whatsapp a lot or Kik or anything similar.
And if there are no messages then you know he's been deleting them.
If it's whatsapp, go to chat, just pull down and at the top 'archived chats' will appear and you can check in there.

But it takes a lot for someone to put an anonymous note through your door. So I'd take heed!

Also, you seeing your fancy man.... projection.
He's judging you by his own standards and trying to deflect away from what he's up to.
The fact he got himself shitfaced shows some guilt as well.
I'd be believing the note.

Redbus1030 · 18/09/2018 12:07

This reply has been deleted

The OP has now deregistered, as they have privacy concerns. We have agreed to take this down at their request.

crispysausagerolls · 18/09/2018 18:50

hellsbellsmelons

Where did you find that breakdown? Can’t find it

Very sensible advice to check it!!!

Original poster

NotAnotherUserName857 · 19/09/2018 07:48

I think he's a liar too , I just can't prove it! I can't put my finger on it, but he's been acting differently.

He just said he knows it doesn't look good but it's just a friend (that he never talks about). It's someone he works with so he sees her everyday.

I asked him why someone would post a note then and he said it must be someone trying to stir things up! But would someone go to do much bother if it wasn't true?

Thanks for the breakdown, he's definitely deleting messages on whatsapp but didn't get a chance to check the history.

I think I'm still hoping it won't be true. How am I the one that feels guilty for snooping around?

OP posts:

dirtybadger · 19/09/2018 08:05

Its highly suspicious that he's deleting messages.

Even if things aren't physical, he is obviously having inappropriate conversations to some extent (emotional affair or otherwise). I don't think anyone just routinely deletes their messages. If he isn't having a physical affair then he's done himself no favours by deleting them because it looks suspicious AF.

Find out who the woman is and speak to her husband? He knows they've been talking, maybe he will share that information with you. Although he might not be able to see that you're on "his side" as it were (or he might not know much either), right now so wouldn't bet on it.

Walkacrossthesand · 19/09/2018 08:09

Even if it's not (yet) a full blown affair, things are heading that way - he's being less than open with you, your spidey senses are tingling... Instead of hoping it won't be true, OP, start getting yourself into a mindset of being ready to end this relationship because you deserve an honest, open, committed man, not this smoke and mirrors of likely deceit.

hellsbellsmelons · 19/09/2018 09:01

@crispysausagerolls - you go into settings.
Then battery.
Then if you have an iphone, you'll see it appear at the bottom under 'Battery usage'
Just scroll.
It takes a few seconds to load.
There are usually 2 tabs. Mine is last 24 hours and the one next to it is last 7 days.
It's very handy indeed when snooping, as cheaters often delete apps etc.... or say they don't use whatsapp when you can clearly see that they do.

crispysausagerolls · 19/09/2018 17:48

hellsbellsmelons

Oh my gosh THANK YOU!!! How I WISH I had known about that with an ex of mine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Always always ALWAYS on his phone in the bathroom for hours (and no interest in sex) but never able to find anything

OP can you ask him any more about it? If not perhaps try to speak to the woman?

Thinkingofausername1 · 20/09/2018 21:59

Sounds like someone has it in for you both or he has ended an affair and she isn't happy or he lied about being single.

puzzledlady · 20/09/2018 22:37

It depends - do you think he has form for this? Has he done this before? It sound like you dont trust him - hence why you feel the need to check up on him/his phone?

My husband had a stalker - when she got bored, she started sending me things, asking me if i could trust him - the answer is yes, ive never really spent anytime away from him except when im at work, and even then he works from home (with my nanny and my son!) and we are in constant contact - and, we sort of know who this stalker is, its an ex. She would send him love notes, then send me a note saying he's such a bad person etc etc. I suppose the difference is I 100% know my husband would never ever - you are suspicious, in your case, i would def check. Good luck OP.

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