How to make things better?

[Saltycinnamon]

I'm after some advice please. DH & I have been married for 7 years with one DS who is 6. We've been together for almost 15 years. We've had a shitty few years of secondary infertility, investigations, wider family estrangement, ill health etc & it's broken us without us really noticing. I don't want us to break up but I don't know what to do to make things better. We care about each other a lot, I'd be devastated if we broke up but I don't feel in love or particularly loved. I think I'm more aware & bothered by what's happening, he would rather ignore for now I think. Not because he's horrible but I think he's scared too of what opening up might do to us. It makes it very real.

Has anyone been where we are & saved their relationship? Advice please!

If you are both at fault and both want it to work, I'd suggest working on yourself. Lead by example and become the person you'd like him to become and hopefully he will follow your lead.

Is he open to seeing a therapist? That could help you discover what’s wrong in a safe space and give you focused time to explore the good things as well as the things you need to fix.

My stbx and I are finding therapy very useful for making things better between us. We’re not staying together (he cheated) but it’s helping us plan a future as cooperative parents.

PS sounds like you have had a hard time. Hope things work out

I would recommend going to Relate together.

Thanks for your replies. I think he's suffering from depression but doesn't recognise it. He says that nothing interests him anymore, it's not just me He won't go & see the GP about it. I have said that he needs to go for DS and me but I don't want to force him into it. I don't think he has the capacity at the moment to put everything into 'us' but I don't want to live a weird housemate life.

Another big part of me thinks that having gone through so much shit we're well within our rights to be suffering a bit & it's to be expected. There's nothing like years of medicalised TTC to kill a sex life! Is this just what happens?!