From one catastrophe to the next

[MoodyMagda]

NC for this. DH and I married for 3 years, together 4 years prior to that. I'm 29 he is 31.

I love my husband. He has many wonderful attributes - he is kind, caring, attentive, we have lots of fun together.

But he is also very poor at making decisions. It's like he can't plan ahead and think of the longer-term consequences to his actions. Everything he does is centred around what makes his life most convenient and enjoyable in the present. This has resulted in many financial difficulties between us and poor work and career prospects.

I'm just really struggling right now. I thought he was becoming more responsible, but I don't think he is. We are in the midst of a disaster right now and when I pointed out that it could have been avoided, had he made different choices, he grew angry and defensive. I think he's in denial and I've been burying my head in the sand because I haven't wanted to admit how much this has affected me.

We don't have children. If I leave, I could find someone who is more responsible and organised. But he is so wonderful in so many other ways, I'm wondering if his immaturity re finances and work are things we could work through together? I don't want to end things prematurely, but at the same time, I've been fantasising about being single and just being on my own for a while.

If you have been / are married to someone like this, did it work, or did you decide to leave?

Yes I had kids with someone like this and the extra pressure and workload of children made me regret it.
hildren cost a fortune and really change your relationship- think whether you would be left with the childcare while he went off having fun with friends, whether he would contribute financially- the way you describe him he sounds very selfish.

I tend to take the lead on finances, hubby involved but I usually do mundane stuff and research big decisions, then present options. Not every one has a head for these things.

Thank you snowbear. It's not that he wouldn't be available to me or any kids that we have - he isn't the type to spend all his money down the pub, for example. He's just a bit reckless and short-sighted when it comes to making important decisions. Day to day stuff he is generally fine at. He isn't selfish - he is really generous and kind. If he was selfish, it would be a much easier decision to make, I think.