Things are almost always just okay, never passionate or wonderful like when we first met. Except for a day or so every 3-4 months where we blow up at each other and things are bloody awful and it’s feels like the world is ending.
Today we yelled some awful things at each other. I can tell he feels numb, disappointed in himself and has lost hope for us as a couple. I feel hopeless too, like everything we say to each other goes in one ear and out the other, but I still care for him and have a bit of hope things can work. Just I feel like he can’t stand me, and whatever he says , the things he says when he is angry reinforce it more.
It’s just so fucking sad, our love was so beautiful when we met. We were fifteen, and we’ ve been together for 11 years. If nothing else I want to stay together because he feels like family. We know each other so well. We know our problems and arguments so well too - he takes me for granted, I expect too much, he isn’t interested in me as a person except physically, I’m never interested in sex...
But to have someone by your side so long and then suddenly not there...we know each too well not to be together.
I just feel numb, he went out today to work and kissed the kids and not me.
We are too poor to be able to survive financially in two separate households.
I suspect I’m bloody pregnant but I can’t tell him now or it will feel like manipulation.
What the actual hell has happened to us?